CHAPTER 1: where it all began
thinking back to where it all began it seems like so long ago,
months, years, decades. it was infact no more than a year and a half ago.
well i guess the story really rooted back to spring 2007.
my obsession as always lay within music.
music had been my comfort blanket and my life line for so long
it had even saved my life on more than a few occasions.
but the faces of those i adored were merely on the posters on my walls
that was until i descovered a certain band.
a brand new band named the hoosiers.
as soon as i heard them i fell completely in love
they were completely different to anything i had ever heard before
yet i couldn't get enough of their quirky sounds.
they were just starting out then. didn't even have an album
yet still famous enough for me to believe they would never waste
thier time getting to know a nobody like me
how nieve i was
it was the start of something beautiful when i learnt of thier competiton
they were giving their fans, old and new and opertunity to win the chance
for them to play in their hometown so hopeful as anyone i entered my reasons
as to why it should be me
i decided since the band were so obviously humourous they would appreciate
a somewhat silly entry
therefore i typed in their blog that the monster under my bed would eat me
if they didn't come to my hometown to play.
i pressed send, smiled to myself and thought nothing else of it for a few days.
three or four days later i logged onto my myspace. there was a message waiting for me
curiously i clicked onto my inbox and my heart skipped a beat as i read the notifactation
an unread email from the hoosiers
it was a simple email. it plainly said "watch out for that monster arrrg -- al"
but that was enough for me. i walked around the rest of the day with a smile on my face
but that wasn't it, far from it. it was only the begining.
i didn't win that competiton, or any of the ones that followed
but i wasn't bothered by that
because from that day i recieved many more messages from each member
and within time they knew my name.
of course this added to my excitement when i finally got to see them in
november.
i awoke early and took the hours journey to newcastle to wait for my online friends
martin, irwin and of course, alphonso.
it was a day i would remember for the rest of my life
a moment i hold dearly in my heart
the very moment irwin, the cheerful singer who every female fan had seemed
to fall for turned to me and said "oh yeah you're lor aren't you, l.o.r?"
i was so proud. a rising star. an idol of mine. and he knew me.
i called them my friends after that day and the one thing that kept me
hanging on was the thought of thier next gig on febuary 25th 2008.
but my dreams were shattered when i learnt that the tickets were sold out.
when the day arrived i sat in the cold student library with tears in my eyes
less than an hour away my friends, idols and favourite band were playing that very night
and i couldn't go
something clicked
pure determination forced me to get up.
i HAD to see them, had to at least say hello
so i jumped on the metro train and hoped and prayed i wouldn't get fined.
i got to the venue without being caught. sighing with relief i made my way to
the stage door to wait for my good friends.
after a long wait the doors swung open and irwin stepped out.
i smiled widely. i was just so happy to see him once more.
promptly i walked over and hugged him
"irwin i'm so sorry" i said sadly "i didn't have money to buy a ticket
and they sold out but i just wanted to come and say hi"
he looked back at me suprised and replied
"oh don't worry lor we'll put you on the guestlist!"
i think i hugged him half to death. i sobbed with tears of joy as i told
my mam over the phone.
i had never been so happy before, never felt so important in my life
i, lor, a regular 21 year old from a tiny north eastern town was a guest of
what was now a huge band, the hoosiers.
i had the best time of my life that night. i was front row, made loads of friends
and descovered two new bands. a rising band named the script and the other support
called i am finn. i fell in love with both.
the day after the concert i recieved my student loan.
i felt as if i owed the hoosiers for such a kind act.
besides, i needed to get way from the stressful life of being on
the wrong course and since it was mothers day that sunday i got in touch
with a girl who no longer could attend thier gig, booked 2 seats on the coach
and the following tuesday me and my mam took off to london.
i knew it would be another great day. another time with the hoosiers i would
never ever forget
but what awaited me there was far beyond what i could have imagined
for that night was when the real story began.
of course, i had waited outside the venue all afternoon for the hoosiers
to arrive.
i also learnt it was irwin's birthday so his spirits were up more than usual.
after speaking to him i walked back to the hotel to get my mam.
we went out to lunch to the pub next door to the venue.
it was then i first saw them.
as we passed the venue a group of men stood outside.
one of them, a man with brown quiffed hair and stubble turned and
smiled at me. i smiled back and walked on, never dreaming that he would become
one of the four most important people in my life.
we joined the queue about 15 minutes before opening time.
it was great listening to the pure excitement of the fans
it was even better bragging a little about knowing them.
it was then a girl asked me to sign a mailing list for thier support
i asked happily if it was i am finn but she shook her head
they had finished two days before and now there was a brand new band on.
she attempted to impress me by explaining they had won channel fours
mobile act unsigned competition but still i shook my head.
i told her i'd wait until i had heard them.........
i was upset i am finn had finished.
wasn't too willing to give this new band a chance
but i soon learned i had no choice.
as the lights went down the crowd errupted. i took my place at front row
and awaited this new band
as soon as the singer walked on i recognised him
it was the man i had smiled at earlier.
he was a very hansome man as were the rest of the band
and the bassist had cool shoes, although i can't remember now wether they
were red or pink...
even if their music wasn't too good, at least i had something to look at.
however, from the moment they began something happened to me.
i fell in love all over again.
they were quite similar to my friends the hoosiers yet still diferent
enough to be original
they were amazing
but one member of the band amazed me more than the others
at the back of the stage, behind a drumkit sat a blonde blue eyed
guy in a wastecoat and tie. i watched spellbound as he twirled his sticks
and drummed better than anyone i'd ever seen before.
i didnt know his name, didn't even know what band they were
but i was already fascinated with him.
after the show i grabbed my mam and we rushed round to the stage door to
congratulate the hoosiers on another amazing show. however since it was
irwin's birthday they had arranged to have a few drinks back stage and the
wait was longer than usual.
as the door swung open i looked over excitedly hoping it was irwin.
but instead i turned bright red as there in the door way stood the blonde haired
blue eyed drummer.
i told him he was amazing and hugged him as he smiled the cutest smile.
my mam fussed over him too and as he thanked us and walked away
i realised maybe, just maybe he would come to mean the world to me.
five minutes later the door swung open once more.
yet again no sign of irwin but instead stood the brown haired singer.
i told him he was great and struck up a conversation with him.
i learnt he was infact called ali and the band was called envy & other sins.
after a couple of minutes i turned misceviously and asked "can i keep your
drummer?"
he smiled amused and replied with
"who, jim? please take him! he's a pain!"
i laughed and we continued the conversation which developed into a whole
plot to keep jim in my wardrobe
it was something i would never live down.
that night i fell asleep smiling to myself. not only because irwin had, when
he finaly came out, been sweet to me as always, but the thought of jim stuck
in my head. i knew there and then he, and indeed ali would become extremely
special to me.
a week later and i found myself on another journey.
i barely thought about it.
i saw the hoosiers were playing in brighton.
i had always wanted to go to brighton
and for once i had the money
so once more i booked my place on the couch and set off for
my last hoosier adventure for a while.
brighton was more amazing than i had ever imagined
it was everything i loved and so much more
and by the time i got to the venue the day after arriving
i felt so alive knowing i would see my lovely hoosiers once more.
i had almost forgot about envy & other sins. almost forgot about jim.
until he walked passed me.
not knowing what else to do i pointed and declared
"you! you're that cool drummer from that band aren't you"
he looked quite scared but all the same smiled and said hi
before he walked on and i sat back and sighed to myself.
that night all 3 bands played better than i had ever seen them play before
and as i waited at the stage door i couldn't wait to see not only the hoosiers
but the support bands too.
just like last time he appeared first. i said hi and he said hi quietly back to me
i then went on to explain i had seen him the week before and as he finally recognised
me a huge smile spread accross his face as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly
as once more, i kinda blushed.
i couldn't just leave it at that. after all it was my final goodbye to the hoosiers
for a while. i figured i needed a new band to love for a while.
and so i added both the supports i had got to know so well on myspace.
the script's singer replied to me once but as they grew bigger and bigger
each day it was hard for him to find the time to send messages.
however one band, one person was consistant in his messages. that one person
was the one i had merely said hello to after the shows, yet he was the extremely
handsome keyboard player from envy & other sins..jarvey moss.
i developed quite a good relationship with jarvey online.
even more than i ever had with any of the hoosiers.
he seemed very funny and sweet. a potential new friend in the making
if only i'd seen back then
just how much he and of course the other 3 would come to mean to me.
i knew they were playing near by me soon. april 23rd 2008 they were
booked to play a small club in a ruff area of newcastle named ouseburn.
i had previously bought their album the very day it came out,
as i told jarvey i would.
it was one of the best albums i had ever owned
and as the day got closer and closer i promised him more and more
that when the day arrived, i'd be there in the front row cheering
them on
and that is exactly what i did.......
Saturday, 22 August 2009
CHAPTER 2: the perfect start
CHAPTER 2: the perfect start
it was a wet and windy day. i set off from my hometown
around 11am and caught the metro train from sunderland at about
quarter to twelve.
i was so excited yet very tired and as i sat watching the rain
out of the window the lyrics
"you sleep on the train you get hypnotised by the morning rain"
from morning sickness, the first song on thier album
came to mind.
from newcastle i hopped onto a bus for another 15 minutes travel
to ouseburn,
a small industrial area where the newcastle cluny was situated.
on arrival i bought my ticket and went out into the pouring rain gripping onto
my cd to wait for the boys to arrive and sign it.
i was sitting on the wall outside when i looked up and spotted a familiar face
it was him, the cool little drummer, jim.
he was standing with a ginger man, not much older than me, smoking a ciggerette
i knew it was him, and i watched him religiously but for some reason i couldn't
bring myself to go and talk to him
i was paralysed with nerves
and i waited until he disapeared inside before i went back in to shelter from
the rain.
i had popped to the toilet when i bumped into the barmaid. i asked her if the band
were already there and she told me they were setting up in the hall.
she asked who they were so i told her and she suggested since i knew them
i followed her in while she asked if they wanted any tea or coffee
excitedly but shyly i followed her in. as soon as the doors opened
someone rushed over to me with a smile on his face.....
jarvey.
he gave me a hug and thanked me for coming before rounding the other three
up to sign my cd
it was then i met the final member, the bassist with the cool shoes, mark.
i handed them my presents for them. i had made ali a dog tag knecklace with his name on one side and "e&os" on the other. he put it on straight way.
and i gave jim a flashing starshaped badge which said "i'm a star" which he seemed very taken by!
i also gave them a notebook named the "setlist book" as my online friend emma had seen them a week before and told me that they were using paperplates for setlists we thought it would be a great idea for them to have thier own book just for setlists.
ali smiled and replied "that has to be the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given us" and i smiled so much my face ached.
i had my photo taken with them and talked to jim before nervously just standing
and taking in what was going on
one of thier roadies, andy, picked up on this and fetched a chair, placing it beside
jim. nervously i sat down as happily jim struck up a conversation with me.
for almost an hour i sat and talked to him. getting to know him more and more.
he told me how he used to want to be a builder, how his flat was so damp fungus had
started to grow, how he used to be in a band as a singer, how he too liked green day
and how his brother stu, the ginger man he had been smoking with earlier apparently
smelt bad.
it was the greatest hour of my life so far and as he stood up to do his soundcheck
he invited me to stay and watch but as i sat alone feeling a little out of place
i decided to leave the room.
as i went out i noticed two girls on the sofa. they looked up at me suprised.
i just smiled and walked on.
however as i returned and walked by the girl with black curly hair spoke out to me
she invited me to sit with them and told me she was a big fan too.
her name was taffy and her friend was called charli.
they had known the boys for 3 years and had seen them many times before.
imedietly we clicked and talked for ages.
as we got aquainted talking about ourselves and learning a few more facts about the band taffy bought me a drink or 4 and within time we were all quite tipsy.
me and charli had gone outside for a ciggerette. the sun had come out and it wasn't that bad a place after all.
i had a nice chat to charli. i knew that her and taffy could possibley become great friends after all they had already anounced that they were "adopting" me.
we were on our way back into the pub when a bee followed us in.
like typical girls me and charli started running around and screaming as taffy rolled her eyes, grabbed a glass and a placemat and caught the bee.
imedietly we started to think it was funny. we got out our cameras and were screaming
"take a picture of it! take a picture" when the hall door opened behind us and who should appear but jarvey.
unable to really explain why she was holding a bee in a pint glass taffy turned to jarvey and declared
"oh jarvey we brought you this bee!"
jarvey looked back at us confused and asked "you brought me a bee?" as the three of us kept giggling and resumed shouting "take a picture!"
"are you torturing that poor bee?" jarvey asked us half amused but as we just kept giggling he figured he couldn't get sense out of us anyway so he walked off and we let the bee go free outside!
to make things worse we were getting into sillier conversations and as jim passed by taffy shouted out "i like chickens!" which made us laugh more. i had only known the two for maybe two or three hours but it felt like we'd known each other for years.
as time krept by three more people joined us, an american girl, their flat mate christina, a sporty looking boy called mark and a beautiful gothic type johnny depp look-a-like named steffan.
i got on with them pretty well too although mark was scaring me a little by flirting constantly.
finally at around 8pm the doors opened. the support came on at around 8.20 but weren't that good. and instead i ended up watching jim wandering back and forth.
he was dressed for the show. he was wearing a black wastecoat and a red tie over a white shirt. it was the trademark jim style i would get to know so well.
i really liked him before that day but now, after getting to know him, after seeing how sweet he really was, my fondess for him had grown tenfold.
by the time they finally came on to get ready for thier set i was so excited. i watched them all set up as jarvey kept smiling over and miming "won't be long now"
of course he was right. within ten minutes the lights went down and the sound of "step accross" rang out through the room.
throughout the whole gig me charli and taffy danced and giggled and took photos. it was the best time i had had in years and before i knew it we were caught up in the last chorus of "shipwrecked" singing along to
"all through the days and all through the nights, keeping my head above water i'm not giving up yet"
before the lights flickered on and the four rushed off, but that wasn't the end of the night, far from it.
there was plenty more to come yet.
walking up to the stage i called out to the soundguy andy "can i have jim's setlist?"
of course he handed it over and excitedly i rushed off to congratulate the boys and get my setlist signed.
we got many more photos taken with the four, and talked to them for ages.
before we knew it the hall was empty and the only ones there were us and the band.
but they didn't kick us out, infact they were happy we were there, because somehow we got roped into helping to pack up and load the van.
amongst the heavy guitar cases and amps and cymbols i spotted something that i had noticed sitting on the stage, a plastic pheasant.
i asked jarvey in passing what the pheasant was called. he told me he wasn't sure so i said to call it lor but taffy asked mark who told her it was named phil!
it was something that, i, they or any of the other fans would never forget from then on.
i asked to carry phil to the van and of course they let me so me and taffy, still slightly tipsy rushed outside and started messing about with the plastic pheasant.
as jarvey packed the last box into the van he asked
"can i have the pheasant now"
taffy, who was holding the pheasant handed him to jarvey but we all screamed sympothetically as jarvey carelessly threw the pheasant into the van.
poor phil.
we then tried to persuade them to come out for a drink with us but they told us they had to leave really early for aberdeen and they had better get going to their travelodge. disapointedly but understandingly we nodded and continued helping to pack up.
as the van doors closed we gathered the boys up for one more photograph. i had already arranged to stay over at taffy's flat and so taffy being what i figured by now was typical non shy taffy asked the boys "any chance of a ride back to town"
jim explained they would but there was quite a few of them that day and there wasn't much room.
mischeviously and still in my tipsy state i turned to him and replied
"well i could always sit on your knee!"
the second it slipped out of my mouth i regretted it and i waited for jim to look at me weirdly or walk away scared but to my suprise he didn't react that way at all infact, he laughed, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek!
as we said our final goodbyes we watched the van drive away smiling to myself.
we walked on, in the direction of the town centre and were happilly talking when we passed the travelodge. i looked over and spotted the van parking there. i stopped for a moment and stared over sighing.
who knows when i'd see them agian
who knows if i would?
but i was determined to move heaven and earth for us to meet again,
after all they were my everything now.
as we got to taffy's flat exhausted her and christina crawled to bed. thankfully mark had crawled off during the night so it was only me charli and steffan, whom i stayed up with all night as the two of us shared our deepest darkest secrets.
however, before that, charli allowed me to go onto my myspace. i logged in and was suprised to see a message.....
a message from jarvey.
it said "i've just had my photo taken with you!"
i sat back sighed and smiled
it had been a perfect day
i only hoped that i would see them again, as soon as possible
as i wasn't sure just how long i could go without them in my life now.
it was a wet and windy day. i set off from my hometown
around 11am and caught the metro train from sunderland at about
quarter to twelve.
i was so excited yet very tired and as i sat watching the rain
out of the window the lyrics
"you sleep on the train you get hypnotised by the morning rain"
from morning sickness, the first song on thier album
came to mind.
from newcastle i hopped onto a bus for another 15 minutes travel
to ouseburn,
a small industrial area where the newcastle cluny was situated.
on arrival i bought my ticket and went out into the pouring rain gripping onto
my cd to wait for the boys to arrive and sign it.
i was sitting on the wall outside when i looked up and spotted a familiar face
it was him, the cool little drummer, jim.
he was standing with a ginger man, not much older than me, smoking a ciggerette
i knew it was him, and i watched him religiously but for some reason i couldn't
bring myself to go and talk to him
i was paralysed with nerves
and i waited until he disapeared inside before i went back in to shelter from
the rain.
i had popped to the toilet when i bumped into the barmaid. i asked her if the band
were already there and she told me they were setting up in the hall.
she asked who they were so i told her and she suggested since i knew them
i followed her in while she asked if they wanted any tea or coffee
excitedly but shyly i followed her in. as soon as the doors opened
someone rushed over to me with a smile on his face.....
jarvey.
he gave me a hug and thanked me for coming before rounding the other three
up to sign my cd
it was then i met the final member, the bassist with the cool shoes, mark.
i handed them my presents for them. i had made ali a dog tag knecklace with his name on one side and "e&os" on the other. he put it on straight way.
and i gave jim a flashing starshaped badge which said "i'm a star" which he seemed very taken by!
i also gave them a notebook named the "setlist book" as my online friend emma had seen them a week before and told me that they were using paperplates for setlists we thought it would be a great idea for them to have thier own book just for setlists.
ali smiled and replied "that has to be the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given us" and i smiled so much my face ached.
i had my photo taken with them and talked to jim before nervously just standing
and taking in what was going on
one of thier roadies, andy, picked up on this and fetched a chair, placing it beside
jim. nervously i sat down as happily jim struck up a conversation with me.
for almost an hour i sat and talked to him. getting to know him more and more.
he told me how he used to want to be a builder, how his flat was so damp fungus had
started to grow, how he used to be in a band as a singer, how he too liked green day
and how his brother stu, the ginger man he had been smoking with earlier apparently
smelt bad.
it was the greatest hour of my life so far and as he stood up to do his soundcheck
he invited me to stay and watch but as i sat alone feeling a little out of place
i decided to leave the room.
as i went out i noticed two girls on the sofa. they looked up at me suprised.
i just smiled and walked on.
however as i returned and walked by the girl with black curly hair spoke out to me
she invited me to sit with them and told me she was a big fan too.
her name was taffy and her friend was called charli.
they had known the boys for 3 years and had seen them many times before.
imedietly we clicked and talked for ages.
as we got aquainted talking about ourselves and learning a few more facts about the band taffy bought me a drink or 4 and within time we were all quite tipsy.
me and charli had gone outside for a ciggerette. the sun had come out and it wasn't that bad a place after all.
i had a nice chat to charli. i knew that her and taffy could possibley become great friends after all they had already anounced that they were "adopting" me.
we were on our way back into the pub when a bee followed us in.
like typical girls me and charli started running around and screaming as taffy rolled her eyes, grabbed a glass and a placemat and caught the bee.
imedietly we started to think it was funny. we got out our cameras and were screaming
"take a picture of it! take a picture" when the hall door opened behind us and who should appear but jarvey.
unable to really explain why she was holding a bee in a pint glass taffy turned to jarvey and declared
"oh jarvey we brought you this bee!"
jarvey looked back at us confused and asked "you brought me a bee?" as the three of us kept giggling and resumed shouting "take a picture!"
"are you torturing that poor bee?" jarvey asked us half amused but as we just kept giggling he figured he couldn't get sense out of us anyway so he walked off and we let the bee go free outside!
to make things worse we were getting into sillier conversations and as jim passed by taffy shouted out "i like chickens!" which made us laugh more. i had only known the two for maybe two or three hours but it felt like we'd known each other for years.
as time krept by three more people joined us, an american girl, their flat mate christina, a sporty looking boy called mark and a beautiful gothic type johnny depp look-a-like named steffan.
i got on with them pretty well too although mark was scaring me a little by flirting constantly.
finally at around 8pm the doors opened. the support came on at around 8.20 but weren't that good. and instead i ended up watching jim wandering back and forth.
he was dressed for the show. he was wearing a black wastecoat and a red tie over a white shirt. it was the trademark jim style i would get to know so well.
i really liked him before that day but now, after getting to know him, after seeing how sweet he really was, my fondess for him had grown tenfold.
by the time they finally came on to get ready for thier set i was so excited. i watched them all set up as jarvey kept smiling over and miming "won't be long now"
of course he was right. within ten minutes the lights went down and the sound of "step accross" rang out through the room.
throughout the whole gig me charli and taffy danced and giggled and took photos. it was the best time i had had in years and before i knew it we were caught up in the last chorus of "shipwrecked" singing along to
"all through the days and all through the nights, keeping my head above water i'm not giving up yet"
before the lights flickered on and the four rushed off, but that wasn't the end of the night, far from it.
there was plenty more to come yet.
walking up to the stage i called out to the soundguy andy "can i have jim's setlist?"
of course he handed it over and excitedly i rushed off to congratulate the boys and get my setlist signed.
we got many more photos taken with the four, and talked to them for ages.
before we knew it the hall was empty and the only ones there were us and the band.
but they didn't kick us out, infact they were happy we were there, because somehow we got roped into helping to pack up and load the van.
amongst the heavy guitar cases and amps and cymbols i spotted something that i had noticed sitting on the stage, a plastic pheasant.
i asked jarvey in passing what the pheasant was called. he told me he wasn't sure so i said to call it lor but taffy asked mark who told her it was named phil!
it was something that, i, they or any of the other fans would never forget from then on.
i asked to carry phil to the van and of course they let me so me and taffy, still slightly tipsy rushed outside and started messing about with the plastic pheasant.
as jarvey packed the last box into the van he asked
"can i have the pheasant now"
taffy, who was holding the pheasant handed him to jarvey but we all screamed sympothetically as jarvey carelessly threw the pheasant into the van.
poor phil.
we then tried to persuade them to come out for a drink with us but they told us they had to leave really early for aberdeen and they had better get going to their travelodge. disapointedly but understandingly we nodded and continued helping to pack up.
as the van doors closed we gathered the boys up for one more photograph. i had already arranged to stay over at taffy's flat and so taffy being what i figured by now was typical non shy taffy asked the boys "any chance of a ride back to town"
jim explained they would but there was quite a few of them that day and there wasn't much room.
mischeviously and still in my tipsy state i turned to him and replied
"well i could always sit on your knee!"
the second it slipped out of my mouth i regretted it and i waited for jim to look at me weirdly or walk away scared but to my suprise he didn't react that way at all infact, he laughed, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek!
as we said our final goodbyes we watched the van drive away smiling to myself.
we walked on, in the direction of the town centre and were happilly talking when we passed the travelodge. i looked over and spotted the van parking there. i stopped for a moment and stared over sighing.
who knows when i'd see them agian
who knows if i would?
but i was determined to move heaven and earth for us to meet again,
after all they were my everything now.
as we got to taffy's flat exhausted her and christina crawled to bed. thankfully mark had crawled off during the night so it was only me charli and steffan, whom i stayed up with all night as the two of us shared our deepest darkest secrets.
however, before that, charli allowed me to go onto my myspace. i logged in and was suprised to see a message.....
a message from jarvey.
it said "i've just had my photo taken with you!"
i sat back sighed and smiled
it had been a perfect day
i only hoped that i would see them again, as soon as possible
as i wasn't sure just how long i could go without them in my life now.
CHAPTER 3: the kindest act
CHAPTER THREE: the kindest act
it had been a long night.
i had just got my third and final student loan the day before and took advantage of it by a wild night out on the town with a group of friends.
i hadn't been so drunk in a long time
but as i sat wide awake in my student flat at 5am i knew i had to sober up
becuase in just over two hours i would be climbing onto the bus to take the five hour journey to birmingham.
i knew i wouldn't last long not being able to see them.
not after that perfect day in newcastle.
but i never thought i'd be off to see them again just six days later!
however it was their last show of the official tour and to see them all in their home city would mean so much to me......
i just hoped it would be as memorable as newcastle had been.
i opened my eyes yawning loudly as i looked out of the bus window and smiled.
i had always been fascinated with birmingham's spagetti junction and to wake up at the exact time we were going over it got me excited.
however as the bus drove on through birmingham my spirit died a bit.
i remembered why i disliked birmingham so much last time i was there.
buildings stood boarded up as even that early in the morning gangs lined the corners of streets.
i was scared to say the least as the bus pulled up in what could only be described as the slums.
terrified, even in broad daylight, i wandered like a lost sole. i was in digabeth, i knew i was in the right place but somehow i couldn't find the venue.....
until finally it popped out at me, hidden in a back ally was the entrance to birmingham barfly.
i was just so relieved to find the venue i lightened up a bit but suddenly remembered i needed a place to stay.
however i was lucky enough to have spotted the pub right next door had a sign saying "b&b" and just desperate to put down my bags i went in, got my room and took a breath.
by the time i settled in, refreshed my make-up and had a rest i was starving and so i set out alone to find somewhere, anywhere to get a bite to eat.
i walked up the dirty streets of digabeth still despising the place, wondering why i was so excited to be there, then i looked up, saw it and gasped.
just up ahead was a big structure, a silver building. i was intrigued so i walked over to it and realised it was a big shopping centre. finally, something cool.
cool wasn't the word! there wasn't only normal shops such as claires accesories and holand and barrets but a load of designer shops such as slefridges. i was in heaven.
in the heat of the moment i forgot about my hunger and went on a shopping spree. i was on the second floor when i spotted the bear factory
realising i had no gifts to give the boys i thought it would be cool to get them a selfmade bear
it was then i had the perfect idea.
the little costumes were too tempting, a white shirt, the bage trousers, the little black shoes, and the offer of the workers making me a red tie. it was an oppertunity i couldn't miss.
grabbing the skin for a ginger bear i imedietly took it to get stuffed, installed in with a heart beat and dressed it up in the specially selected clothes.
thus jim bear was created.
with the bear in it's box and a smile on my face i finally accepted that birmingham WAS cool and headed back to see if the boys had arrived yet.
it was perfect timing. i stood on the street between my hotel and the venue in the pouring rain and a moment later i spotted the black van coming up the street with two smiling faces looking over at me and waving.
happilly i ran over as they got out. i hugged jarvey first, then went over to jim and handed him the bear. he was extremely greatfull, pulled me into a huge hug and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. blushing and smiling i struck up a conversation with them both before bidding them goodbye to allow them to get on unloading the van.
i spent all day in the pub where i was staying. i remembered i was hungry and grabbed my lunch there. i also made friends with a half turkish half greek man called neko. i stayed with him all day.
finally at about 7.30pm i joined the que accompanied by neko. i had briefly seen mark and said hi and was enjoying myself talking to fellow fans.
at 8pm the doors opened. i rushed in and to the front. after a while i got a text from my epal carol. she was there. happilly i rushed over to her and we got aquainted as we watched out for the boys. i was aware she had a school girl type crush on jarvey as she descovered i had a crush on jim.
as the second support came on we walked over and talked to jim and ali. we got a couple of photos taken before they once more rushed backstage to prepare for their show and we took our place at the front of the crowd.
as they rushed on to get their instruments ready i took a load of photos, mainly of jarvey as he was right infront of us.... which i'm sure, no doubt, was carol's doing!
the moment they began i smiled more than ever. they were better that night than i had ever seen them do before. i had decided by then that they had won me over completely and were second to no one, not even the hoosiers.
as the lights came back on i demanded i got jim's set list before rushing over to him. he signed my setlist and this time he even signed it with a kiss on the end of it.
carol asked to have her photo taken with him and added that she hoped he wasn't all sweaty like the last time she saw them
once more without thinking i replied "aw i dont mind your sweat jim"
he laughed as i stated that was wrong but reminded him it wasn't the worst i had ever said to him as amused he agreed and got ready to get a picture taken with me.
it was the best picture ever. i had smiled cheekily and looked at him dreamily as he put his suprised face on. laughing i showed ali who agreed it was a brilliant picture and we decided it was the "i want to keep you in my wardrobe" look.
me and carol got more photos taken with them all as neko bid me goodbye. soon after carol left also and i was happily talking to ali when a bouncer aproached me.
he asked if i had any proof that i was 21 years old and since i hadn't he told me i had to leave, not even giving me the chance to explain to the boys.
angry and upset i went out into the pouring rain and grabbed for my ciggerettes. i was even more annoyed when i realised i had none left and so i walked up to the nearest smoker, an oldish man.
he gladly gave me a ciggerete and struck up a conversation with me. he turned out to be jim's dad.
he told me about how jim had gone to the auditions for the band and all about his other son stu, who 5 minutes later joined us and gave me another cigerette. we were happily talking when jim himself walked over. i explained what had happened.
smiling he told me they were moving on soon anyway then much to my suprise asked me if i wanted to come along too.
exstatic i agreed and he told me we would be going to a bar named rainbow first. he said to wait there and if there was a change of plan he would come and get me.
more hyperactive than ever i remained talking to stu and his dad for another 15 minutes until i looked up to see jim once more, coming out with a hoodie, two drumsticks and a sorry look on his face.
he told me apologetically that he wasn't sure if they were moving on now and gave me the gifts.
disapointedly but happy with my gifts i forced a smile and told him it was ok before going next door to put them in my room.
i had settled in the pub for last orders when my phone rang. it was my mam.
i rushed outside so i could hear her speak and spotted the boys packing up. smiling i ran over and helped them a little collering jarvey and mark to say goodbye.
however as i caught up with ali he explained it was rubbish in there and i should hang on as they were moving on afterall!
grinning so much my face ached i resumed talking to jim's family as they cleared away.they said they had seen jim bear and thought it was great! <---side note, this line sounds so wrong
after 15 minutes two girls, a brunette and a blonde came into sight. the brunette began talking to someone as jim smiled, walked over nodded towards the blonde girll and said
"lor, this is hannah, mark's girlfriend"
i smiled at her. she was very pretty. suddenly the brunette turned and started showing jim her new shoes. he showed slight interest but rushed away to help with something else.
"well i like them" i said half laughing as she smiled and thanked me. "so..." i began " are you jim's girlfriend"
she nodded and told me her name was sophie. she was very beautiful, the exact sort i expected jim to be with, i got talking to her and we clicked really well. she was lovely and he deserved a nice girl like her.
as eveyone prepared to set off, at least 15 of us, i bid goodbye to jim's dad who told me i HAD TO be at the next gig he was at. i laughed and told him i would try before catching up with the rest as we set off through the streets of birmingham.
i walked with sophie most of the way, talking to her about the band and jim. mainly about how she hated jim smoking in which he replied "if you pass your driving test i'll quit smoking!" which we both laughed at. she was so cool. after a while jim took her by the hand and they walked on ahead. i walked next to stu quietly.
we walked for what seemed like miles and every so often mark turned and asked "you okay lor?" i smiled, feeling shy around them for the first time, as i nodded.
finally we reached a small pub named the tap and spile as i began to loosen up i followed the many inside. i went up to the bar and got myself a malabu and lemonade. i had just paid for it when jim came up and asked if i wanted a drink
i explained i had already got one but thanked him anyway and walked over to the ciggerette machine to buy a pack.
i was standing waiting for the rest as the sugababes came on. in a world of my own i began to dance until i looked up and blushed embrarressed as i spotted mark watching me with an amused smile on his face. still looking amused he grabbed his drink, walked over and asked
"coming downstairs then lor?"
still blushing i followed and entered the downstairs bar where everyone else was.
the lot of us filled out a whole corner of the pub. i sat quietly at first, next to jarvey, listening to everyone talking. i talked briefly to their friend turly but stuck mainly to talking to jarvey and mark.
after a while i plucked up the courage to ask if anyone wanted a ciggerette. imedietly stu stood up and followed me outside.
it was nice out there, right next to the canal. it was oddly quite piecefull too. as we lit up our cigerettes i began talking to him. i explained i felt out of place as i only knew him and the band.
smiling he went over everyone and told me who they were. i descovered they were all family, friends and co workers which made me feel worse. i told him i felt like the stupid tag along fan girl and he laughed and told me not to be silly. he was very sweet to me.
it was then i thought maybe it's not just a jim thing........it was a macaulay thing.(lol)
after my chat with stu i began to lighten up. i had a few more drinks and chatted to everyone. i was having the time of my life.
after another half an hour i turned to jim and said
"do you want a ciggerette jim or will sophie kill me?"
imedietly he jumped up and said "no! i'll have one!"
almost as imedietly ali and stu followed.
we were talking outside when a homeless guy came up to us. i gave him a couple of pound. jim explained he didn't have money, just a card... which was genuinely true. we had a laugh with the homeless guy saying he should carry a chip and pin machine with him before he walked away.
after a while jim and stu went back in and me and ali were left to chat. i really got to know ali well that night. he told me all about going to uni in sheffield and how he had friends from where i lived. we somehow got on talking about bullying and i explained i used to be a goth. i told him i had gone through many styles but wasn't sure what style i was now.
what he said next i will always remember.
he smiled and replied with
"it's the envy style, i've been in that phase for four years now"
i went back in not long after that. ali stayed out talking to people. i was chatting away with jarvey when ali burst back in shouting
"A GIRL JUST FELL IN THE CANAL" i wasn't sure wether i had heard things but as everyone burst out laughing i figured i hadn't and listened in to the story.
a short while later and yet another fag break, me ali and stu talked to people over what had happened. some reckoned she had jumped in after a ciggerette which made us laugh even more. we soon descovered though that she had infact just been so drunk she had ran out of the doors, couldn't stop and ran straight into the canal.
of course this made us even worse and as i stood laughing even more with the boys i realised i would probably always remember this as one of the best nights of my life.
once back inside and by this time very drunk, i challenged their friend turly to see who could down a pint quicker. of course i won. and as one person began to tell a really long story to get to a small point we laughed together and i felt accepted.
finally the time came to say goodbye. i was about to get ready to phone for a taxi when mark turned to me and said
"lor hold on you're getting a taxi with me and ali!" i asked if he was sure and he insisted so they knew i got back safely. i had never felt so loved in my life to know that i wasn't just a fan, but they really did care about me.
as we got outside i hugged jim and jarvey and climbed into the taxi. i suggested to ali that they play in sunderland sometime. he seemed interested.
as we pulled up at my hotel i went to get some money to put towards the fare but mark refused. he said i had come so far to see them the least he could do was drop me off.
i almost filled up with tears. he was so kind. i never thought anyone would do such a kind act for me, but he did, he made me feel special.
little did i know it was only the begining of a whole lot of kind acts.
as i bid them goodbye i opened the door, stumbled into my hotel room drunkly, lay on my bed and smiling fell asleep dreaming of the best night i had ever lived through so far.......
it had been a long night.
i had just got my third and final student loan the day before and took advantage of it by a wild night out on the town with a group of friends.
i hadn't been so drunk in a long time
but as i sat wide awake in my student flat at 5am i knew i had to sober up
becuase in just over two hours i would be climbing onto the bus to take the five hour journey to birmingham.
i knew i wouldn't last long not being able to see them.
not after that perfect day in newcastle.
but i never thought i'd be off to see them again just six days later!
however it was their last show of the official tour and to see them all in their home city would mean so much to me......
i just hoped it would be as memorable as newcastle had been.
i opened my eyes yawning loudly as i looked out of the bus window and smiled.
i had always been fascinated with birmingham's spagetti junction and to wake up at the exact time we were going over it got me excited.
however as the bus drove on through birmingham my spirit died a bit.
i remembered why i disliked birmingham so much last time i was there.
buildings stood boarded up as even that early in the morning gangs lined the corners of streets.
i was scared to say the least as the bus pulled up in what could only be described as the slums.
terrified, even in broad daylight, i wandered like a lost sole. i was in digabeth, i knew i was in the right place but somehow i couldn't find the venue.....
until finally it popped out at me, hidden in a back ally was the entrance to birmingham barfly.
i was just so relieved to find the venue i lightened up a bit but suddenly remembered i needed a place to stay.
however i was lucky enough to have spotted the pub right next door had a sign saying "b&b" and just desperate to put down my bags i went in, got my room and took a breath.
by the time i settled in, refreshed my make-up and had a rest i was starving and so i set out alone to find somewhere, anywhere to get a bite to eat.
i walked up the dirty streets of digabeth still despising the place, wondering why i was so excited to be there, then i looked up, saw it and gasped.
just up ahead was a big structure, a silver building. i was intrigued so i walked over to it and realised it was a big shopping centre. finally, something cool.
cool wasn't the word! there wasn't only normal shops such as claires accesories and holand and barrets but a load of designer shops such as slefridges. i was in heaven.
in the heat of the moment i forgot about my hunger and went on a shopping spree. i was on the second floor when i spotted the bear factory
realising i had no gifts to give the boys i thought it would be cool to get them a selfmade bear
it was then i had the perfect idea.
the little costumes were too tempting, a white shirt, the bage trousers, the little black shoes, and the offer of the workers making me a red tie. it was an oppertunity i couldn't miss.
grabbing the skin for a ginger bear i imedietly took it to get stuffed, installed in with a heart beat and dressed it up in the specially selected clothes.
thus jim bear was created.
with the bear in it's box and a smile on my face i finally accepted that birmingham WAS cool and headed back to see if the boys had arrived yet.
it was perfect timing. i stood on the street between my hotel and the venue in the pouring rain and a moment later i spotted the black van coming up the street with two smiling faces looking over at me and waving.
happilly i ran over as they got out. i hugged jarvey first, then went over to jim and handed him the bear. he was extremely greatfull, pulled me into a huge hug and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. blushing and smiling i struck up a conversation with them both before bidding them goodbye to allow them to get on unloading the van.
i spent all day in the pub where i was staying. i remembered i was hungry and grabbed my lunch there. i also made friends with a half turkish half greek man called neko. i stayed with him all day.
finally at about 7.30pm i joined the que accompanied by neko. i had briefly seen mark and said hi and was enjoying myself talking to fellow fans.
at 8pm the doors opened. i rushed in and to the front. after a while i got a text from my epal carol. she was there. happilly i rushed over to her and we got aquainted as we watched out for the boys. i was aware she had a school girl type crush on jarvey as she descovered i had a crush on jim.
as the second support came on we walked over and talked to jim and ali. we got a couple of photos taken before they once more rushed backstage to prepare for their show and we took our place at the front of the crowd.
as they rushed on to get their instruments ready i took a load of photos, mainly of jarvey as he was right infront of us.... which i'm sure, no doubt, was carol's doing!
the moment they began i smiled more than ever. they were better that night than i had ever seen them do before. i had decided by then that they had won me over completely and were second to no one, not even the hoosiers.
as the lights came back on i demanded i got jim's set list before rushing over to him. he signed my setlist and this time he even signed it with a kiss on the end of it.
carol asked to have her photo taken with him and added that she hoped he wasn't all sweaty like the last time she saw them
once more without thinking i replied "aw i dont mind your sweat jim"
he laughed as i stated that was wrong but reminded him it wasn't the worst i had ever said to him as amused he agreed and got ready to get a picture taken with me.
it was the best picture ever. i had smiled cheekily and looked at him dreamily as he put his suprised face on. laughing i showed ali who agreed it was a brilliant picture and we decided it was the "i want to keep you in my wardrobe" look.
me and carol got more photos taken with them all as neko bid me goodbye. soon after carol left also and i was happily talking to ali when a bouncer aproached me.
he asked if i had any proof that i was 21 years old and since i hadn't he told me i had to leave, not even giving me the chance to explain to the boys.
angry and upset i went out into the pouring rain and grabbed for my ciggerettes. i was even more annoyed when i realised i had none left and so i walked up to the nearest smoker, an oldish man.
he gladly gave me a ciggerete and struck up a conversation with me. he turned out to be jim's dad.
he told me about how jim had gone to the auditions for the band and all about his other son stu, who 5 minutes later joined us and gave me another cigerette. we were happily talking when jim himself walked over. i explained what had happened.
smiling he told me they were moving on soon anyway then much to my suprise asked me if i wanted to come along too.
exstatic i agreed and he told me we would be going to a bar named rainbow first. he said to wait there and if there was a change of plan he would come and get me.
more hyperactive than ever i remained talking to stu and his dad for another 15 minutes until i looked up to see jim once more, coming out with a hoodie, two drumsticks and a sorry look on his face.
he told me apologetically that he wasn't sure if they were moving on now and gave me the gifts.
disapointedly but happy with my gifts i forced a smile and told him it was ok before going next door to put them in my room.
i had settled in the pub for last orders when my phone rang. it was my mam.
i rushed outside so i could hear her speak and spotted the boys packing up. smiling i ran over and helped them a little collering jarvey and mark to say goodbye.
however as i caught up with ali he explained it was rubbish in there and i should hang on as they were moving on afterall!
grinning so much my face ached i resumed talking to jim's family as they cleared away.they said they had seen jim bear and thought it was great! <---side note, this line sounds so wrong
after 15 minutes two girls, a brunette and a blonde came into sight. the brunette began talking to someone as jim smiled, walked over nodded towards the blonde girll and said
"lor, this is hannah, mark's girlfriend"
i smiled at her. she was very pretty. suddenly the brunette turned and started showing jim her new shoes. he showed slight interest but rushed away to help with something else.
"well i like them" i said half laughing as she smiled and thanked me. "so..." i began " are you jim's girlfriend"
she nodded and told me her name was sophie. she was very beautiful, the exact sort i expected jim to be with, i got talking to her and we clicked really well. she was lovely and he deserved a nice girl like her.
as eveyone prepared to set off, at least 15 of us, i bid goodbye to jim's dad who told me i HAD TO be at the next gig he was at. i laughed and told him i would try before catching up with the rest as we set off through the streets of birmingham.
i walked with sophie most of the way, talking to her about the band and jim. mainly about how she hated jim smoking in which he replied "if you pass your driving test i'll quit smoking!" which we both laughed at. she was so cool. after a while jim took her by the hand and they walked on ahead. i walked next to stu quietly.
we walked for what seemed like miles and every so often mark turned and asked "you okay lor?" i smiled, feeling shy around them for the first time, as i nodded.
finally we reached a small pub named the tap and spile as i began to loosen up i followed the many inside. i went up to the bar and got myself a malabu and lemonade. i had just paid for it when jim came up and asked if i wanted a drink
i explained i had already got one but thanked him anyway and walked over to the ciggerette machine to buy a pack.
i was standing waiting for the rest as the sugababes came on. in a world of my own i began to dance until i looked up and blushed embrarressed as i spotted mark watching me with an amused smile on his face. still looking amused he grabbed his drink, walked over and asked
"coming downstairs then lor?"
still blushing i followed and entered the downstairs bar where everyone else was.
the lot of us filled out a whole corner of the pub. i sat quietly at first, next to jarvey, listening to everyone talking. i talked briefly to their friend turly but stuck mainly to talking to jarvey and mark.
after a while i plucked up the courage to ask if anyone wanted a ciggerette. imedietly stu stood up and followed me outside.
it was nice out there, right next to the canal. it was oddly quite piecefull too. as we lit up our cigerettes i began talking to him. i explained i felt out of place as i only knew him and the band.
smiling he went over everyone and told me who they were. i descovered they were all family, friends and co workers which made me feel worse. i told him i felt like the stupid tag along fan girl and he laughed and told me not to be silly. he was very sweet to me.
it was then i thought maybe it's not just a jim thing........it was a macaulay thing.(lol)
after my chat with stu i began to lighten up. i had a few more drinks and chatted to everyone. i was having the time of my life.
after another half an hour i turned to jim and said
"do you want a ciggerette jim or will sophie kill me?"
imedietly he jumped up and said "no! i'll have one!"
almost as imedietly ali and stu followed.
we were talking outside when a homeless guy came up to us. i gave him a couple of pound. jim explained he didn't have money, just a card... which was genuinely true. we had a laugh with the homeless guy saying he should carry a chip and pin machine with him before he walked away.
after a while jim and stu went back in and me and ali were left to chat. i really got to know ali well that night. he told me all about going to uni in sheffield and how he had friends from where i lived. we somehow got on talking about bullying and i explained i used to be a goth. i told him i had gone through many styles but wasn't sure what style i was now.
what he said next i will always remember.
he smiled and replied with
"it's the envy style, i've been in that phase for four years now"
i went back in not long after that. ali stayed out talking to people. i was chatting away with jarvey when ali burst back in shouting
"A GIRL JUST FELL IN THE CANAL" i wasn't sure wether i had heard things but as everyone burst out laughing i figured i hadn't and listened in to the story.
a short while later and yet another fag break, me ali and stu talked to people over what had happened. some reckoned she had jumped in after a ciggerette which made us laugh even more. we soon descovered though that she had infact just been so drunk she had ran out of the doors, couldn't stop and ran straight into the canal.
of course this made us even worse and as i stood laughing even more with the boys i realised i would probably always remember this as one of the best nights of my life.
once back inside and by this time very drunk, i challenged their friend turly to see who could down a pint quicker. of course i won. and as one person began to tell a really long story to get to a small point we laughed together and i felt accepted.
finally the time came to say goodbye. i was about to get ready to phone for a taxi when mark turned to me and said
"lor hold on you're getting a taxi with me and ali!" i asked if he was sure and he insisted so they knew i got back safely. i had never felt so loved in my life to know that i wasn't just a fan, but they really did care about me.
as we got outside i hugged jim and jarvey and climbed into the taxi. i suggested to ali that they play in sunderland sometime. he seemed interested.
as we pulled up at my hotel i went to get some money to put towards the fare but mark refused. he said i had come so far to see them the least he could do was drop me off.
i almost filled up with tears. he was so kind. i never thought anyone would do such a kind act for me, but he did, he made me feel special.
little did i know it was only the begining of a whole lot of kind acts.
as i bid them goodbye i opened the door, stumbled into my hotel room drunkly, lay on my bed and smiling fell asleep dreaming of the best night i had ever lived through so far.......
CHAPTER 4: in the rain
CHAPTER FOUR: in the rain
it had been almost a month since the adventure in brimingham. being apart from the boys for that long had been a nightmare but i had a glisten of hope in an invitation by taffy to see them once more in sheffield.
for a while i thought the dream was shattered as my money from the student loans had completely gone......but fate works in funny ways and as i checked my other bank account i found 90 pound conveniently sitting in the bank waiting for me!
the dream returned.
excitedly i sat in the library as i told everyone on the fan forum about my next adventure. i wanted to give them all something special, wanted them to know just how much they mean to me
but of course money was short.
and so i got the greatest idea i have ever had
a sinner's file.
clutching the blue file and rubbing my tired eyes i sat alone in the student library.
another few messages from other fans on the forum were waiting for me, as well as another survey and a photo or two.
promptly i printed them all out and placed them in plastic covers inside of the file. it was already looking great.
a week later, with little sleep and no social time i finally put the last piece to the file, which by now was decorated with a photo of the boys and shiney stars and heart stickers. it was complete.
it even had some silly comics of jim i had made with character generators online with jokes about me buying and keeping him in a wardrobe.
it was fanastic.
i only hoped the boys liked it as much as i did......
the sound of "highness" rang out through the room as slowly i opened my eyes and smiled. i stared over at the drumkit in the corner of the strange room where the drumsticks jim gave to me lay.
my heart beat faster with pure excitement as i climbed out of the bed and got ready.
i walked into the cosy sitting room of the flat and picked up a ciggerette out of the many i had rolled the day before. quietly i left the flat and went to the door for a smoke as i smiled to myself and thought of what the day would bring.
by the time taffy got out of bed i was already ready.
i had even put on my brand new eyeshadow which was the brightest of green.
even i thought i looked good!
taffy rushed around getting ready as i read through the file once more reading other sinners' experiences.
looked like i wasn't the only one who's life was changed by them.
finaly after much fuss we arrived at the train station and boarded our train.
it was unatural to be that hyper at 9am but as i sat looking out of the window for pheasants and blabbing on about how cute jim was, taffy rolled her eyes.
we arrived at sheffield train station just before 12am as we rushed out into the busy street.
we were on a mission to find two things... the hotel and above all the venue which was called the boardwalk.
we walked through the streets as i looked around impressed. taffy had told me that the place was a dump but as i looked about at the beautiful water fountains, parks and cool shops not to mention the awesome trams, i wondered wether she had been thinking of somewhere else!
after a while of searching we finally spotted the hotel. one down one to go!
not that our search for the venue took long. infact, as we walked round the hotel we realised the hotel was infact right next door to the boardwalk!
we couldn't have done better if we tried!
check in time however was not until 2pm so we were left wandering until then.
however, we had fun looking around, laughing at how many shoe shops there was and at how some guy on a fruit and veg stall shouted "lovely bit of raddish" to me.
and of course the free bee bus with a painting of a cartoon bee made us smile amused as we thought of the whole situation with jarvey and the drunken bee at newcastle.
we were already having the time of our lives. finally at 2pm we got into our room, put on the radio and started to get excited.
i, however could not relax. i must of gone outside about 50 times for a ciggerette in the space of 3 hours despite the fact it was by now pouring down with rain.
finally one time i was having a ciggerette i turned around and spotted it.
the familiar black van, the black beast.
from behind the windscreen a friendly face waved and smiled...
jarvey.
i ran over as he climbed out of the van and hugged me. smiling i told him taffy was still in the hotel and he said that they didn't think the stagedoor opened until 6 anyway and that they were going for lunch.
i nodded acceptingly then promptly pulled the file from under my coat.
"me and the girls on the forum put this together" i told him as i handed him the file.
his big blue eyes widened as smiled. he thanked me and told me they would read it before the doors opened.
with one more hug i began to walk away but as i put my hand into my pocket i realised something was missing......
my keycard!
promptly i ran back and told him i had lost it. he helped me look for a moment before realising i was getting soaked
"lor, get out of the rain!" he said as i wandered back and forth searching for it
"i can't" i said stressed "i can't get in without it"
"taffy will let you in" he said half amused "anyway, it could have gone down the drain or anything"
realising that wasn't helping i turned to him and said
"AH THANKS FOR THAT JARVEY"
he told me it was true but i ignored him and kept wandering as he repeated over and over
"lor, get out of the rain!!!"
eventually i took notice of him and decided to go in and tell the recptionist. however as i reached the door, pulled out my purse and opened it up i groaned as i realised i had infact put it in there for safe keeping.
i told taffy they wouldn't be there for another hour and explained the whole situation about the card which by now i found hilarious.
i was bouncing off the walls......literally.
infact, as "that's not my name" by the ting tings came on the radio we found ourselves jumping up and down on the sofa next to the window singing it out loud.
i was so excited.
finally at 6.05 i dragged taffy out to see them.
it was the perfect timing as we caught stu and jim smoking outside the stage door and as i lit up a ciggerette and passed the drumsticks to jim to sign taffy got into a conversation with stu.
shortly after they went in and jarvey appeared. he began talking to us and i showed him the signiture on my drumsticks. jarvey smiled mischieviously and replied
"he was proabably scared you HAD bought a wardrobe!"
blushing slightly i covered my face and groaned as i expressed how much i regretted putting that in. however jarvey laughed and told me they had found it funny before rushing over to see his parents and showing them the file.
i was so happy. i knew they'd like it, but i never thought jarvey would be that happy about it!
as the boys did their soundchecks we amused ourselves by singing along, adding in the parts they didn't do and taking photos of the funny graffiti on the walls.
time went by pretty quickly. it was 8pm when we went round to the door and who should appear but ali and mark.
mark turned to me and said "that eyeshadow hasn't gone a miss" as i smiled so much my face ached before asking how much the tickets were.
suprised mark asked "do you not have tickets yet?" we shook our heads as the boys exchanged looks
"is there something we can do?" ali said to mark as mark replied they could see before they went off inside.
a moment later ali popped his head around the courner sticking his thumb up. we looked at each other and shrugged as we stood up ready to go in.
as we walked up to the paying disk the man smiled at us "go right ahead girls" he said winking at us.
ali and mark had got us in for free!
with the spare money we saved we grabbed a drink and took our place at the front as the first band came on.
they were okay but i was more concerned with once again watching the boys run back and forth.
the second band however was brilliant and i was enjoying them so much i decided to take a photo.
i had just took the picture when i realised there was somone in the way....jarvey!
stunned by the flash he stopped and turned cringing slightly as he realised he had got in the way. half amused i looked at him pretending to be annoyed as he laughed slightly and kept walking as i looked at the photo, shook my head and laughed.
as the third band came on i folded my arms on the table and burried my head. they were pretty boring and taffy had dissapeared to the bar so i had nothing to do.
i was feeling down for some reason, probably lack of good music, but as i felt a hand on my lower back i perked up and turned before a smile burst through on my face
there smiling back at me, with his adorable smile was none other than jim. he asked if i was alright as i nodded, watched him go backstage, sighed and smiled.
and so once more the excitement returned, as did taffy and we watched as the boys set up quickly before bursting on with, as always, step accross.
for once, envy were not the last band, they were joint headliners with the actually named band, the headliners who had been on the mobileact unsigned competition with them the year before.
obviously with the name, it made sense putting the headliners on last, even though envy DID win over them!
anyway during the show the boys announced that the headliners were on next and that they were kind of local boys coming from barnsley.
out of no where suddenly, ali turned in a typical ali daze and replied "i saw a three legged dog in barnsley once...."
for some reason this amused me more than anything he had ever said before.
the rest of their show went perfectly. i was slightly upset that they did not do martyr but i understood that they had to do a shorter show this time.
as the show came to an end i saw jarvey fling his setlist off the stage.
promptly i went and picked it up before also demanding, as usual, jim's setlist.
i decided to go and get my setlist from jarvey signed and get my photo taken with him.
i also talked breifly to his mum.
after a chat with jarvey he excused himself to go and watch the headliners as me and taffy
also joined the crowd.
as the headliners finished everyone left but as always me and taffy lingured behind while trhe boys packed up. i collered each of them for a photo and even got one with me, ali, jim and jarvey...as mark had at that point gone missing.
me, taffy, jim ali, and stu were standing around a table having a chat. i felt once more, special and accepted but as i felt my phone start to vibrate i cringed.
the tune to "highness" once more rang out as ali looked over suprised and i blushed.
it was pretty embarressing but i'm sure deep down they'd be flattered.
sooner or later we all wound up in the street as i lit up a ciggerette.
i gave one to stu, ali and jim too, in which jim replied with "ah you're a star"
it was then we realised phil was missing. i think i was more upset than the band.
mark said they would get another and call it gary or something but it wouldn't be the same.
i was quite upset.
they then went on to tell me they had played a free festival with one of my other favourite
bands, elliot minor.
they said they were suprised i wasn't there and i told them teary eyed that i didn't know about it.
of course, stu took the oppertunity to tease me
"ah it was great" he teased "the hoosiers played, they were giving free drinks out to people named lor"
i wined and put on a pet lip as jim informed me he was just pulling me leg.....which obviously i HAD figured!
with a final big hug from all 5 of the boys we watched them pull away before running over to our hotel laying on our beds and sighing.
i was smiling but i was sad too. i really didn't know when i'd see them next this time.
and this time it hurt even more as all four....or indeed five including stu had come to mean the absolute world to me.
i let out a few tears as a looked at the photos. one photo in particular made me smile slightly...
me and jarvey. for some reason i became even fonder of him that night. perhaps because of the episode in the rain and how he actually cared enough to not see me get too wet.
i didn't know back then it wouldn't be the only time he sheltered me from the rain.
finally a smile burst through on my face. i knew i was just being silly.
of course i would see them again. of course it would be soon.
after all, fate couldn't leave it there.
content and tired i turned off my camera, lay my 'jimsticks' on my pillow beside me
and fell into a deep deep sleep laced with dreams of them....
it had been almost a month since the adventure in brimingham. being apart from the boys for that long had been a nightmare but i had a glisten of hope in an invitation by taffy to see them once more in sheffield.
for a while i thought the dream was shattered as my money from the student loans had completely gone......but fate works in funny ways and as i checked my other bank account i found 90 pound conveniently sitting in the bank waiting for me!
the dream returned.
excitedly i sat in the library as i told everyone on the fan forum about my next adventure. i wanted to give them all something special, wanted them to know just how much they mean to me
but of course money was short.
and so i got the greatest idea i have ever had
a sinner's file.
clutching the blue file and rubbing my tired eyes i sat alone in the student library.
another few messages from other fans on the forum were waiting for me, as well as another survey and a photo or two.
promptly i printed them all out and placed them in plastic covers inside of the file. it was already looking great.
a week later, with little sleep and no social time i finally put the last piece to the file, which by now was decorated with a photo of the boys and shiney stars and heart stickers. it was complete.
it even had some silly comics of jim i had made with character generators online with jokes about me buying and keeping him in a wardrobe.
it was fanastic.
i only hoped the boys liked it as much as i did......
the sound of "highness" rang out through the room as slowly i opened my eyes and smiled. i stared over at the drumkit in the corner of the strange room where the drumsticks jim gave to me lay.
my heart beat faster with pure excitement as i climbed out of the bed and got ready.
i walked into the cosy sitting room of the flat and picked up a ciggerette out of the many i had rolled the day before. quietly i left the flat and went to the door for a smoke as i smiled to myself and thought of what the day would bring.
by the time taffy got out of bed i was already ready.
i had even put on my brand new eyeshadow which was the brightest of green.
even i thought i looked good!
taffy rushed around getting ready as i read through the file once more reading other sinners' experiences.
looked like i wasn't the only one who's life was changed by them.
finaly after much fuss we arrived at the train station and boarded our train.
it was unatural to be that hyper at 9am but as i sat looking out of the window for pheasants and blabbing on about how cute jim was, taffy rolled her eyes.
we arrived at sheffield train station just before 12am as we rushed out into the busy street.
we were on a mission to find two things... the hotel and above all the venue which was called the boardwalk.
we walked through the streets as i looked around impressed. taffy had told me that the place was a dump but as i looked about at the beautiful water fountains, parks and cool shops not to mention the awesome trams, i wondered wether she had been thinking of somewhere else!
after a while of searching we finally spotted the hotel. one down one to go!
not that our search for the venue took long. infact, as we walked round the hotel we realised the hotel was infact right next door to the boardwalk!
we couldn't have done better if we tried!
check in time however was not until 2pm so we were left wandering until then.
however, we had fun looking around, laughing at how many shoe shops there was and at how some guy on a fruit and veg stall shouted "lovely bit of raddish" to me.
and of course the free bee bus with a painting of a cartoon bee made us smile amused as we thought of the whole situation with jarvey and the drunken bee at newcastle.
we were already having the time of our lives. finally at 2pm we got into our room, put on the radio and started to get excited.
i, however could not relax. i must of gone outside about 50 times for a ciggerette in the space of 3 hours despite the fact it was by now pouring down with rain.
finally one time i was having a ciggerette i turned around and spotted it.
the familiar black van, the black beast.
from behind the windscreen a friendly face waved and smiled...
jarvey.
i ran over as he climbed out of the van and hugged me. smiling i told him taffy was still in the hotel and he said that they didn't think the stagedoor opened until 6 anyway and that they were going for lunch.
i nodded acceptingly then promptly pulled the file from under my coat.
"me and the girls on the forum put this together" i told him as i handed him the file.
his big blue eyes widened as smiled. he thanked me and told me they would read it before the doors opened.
with one more hug i began to walk away but as i put my hand into my pocket i realised something was missing......
my keycard!
promptly i ran back and told him i had lost it. he helped me look for a moment before realising i was getting soaked
"lor, get out of the rain!" he said as i wandered back and forth searching for it
"i can't" i said stressed "i can't get in without it"
"taffy will let you in" he said half amused "anyway, it could have gone down the drain or anything"
realising that wasn't helping i turned to him and said
"AH THANKS FOR THAT JARVEY"
he told me it was true but i ignored him and kept wandering as he repeated over and over
"lor, get out of the rain!!!"
eventually i took notice of him and decided to go in and tell the recptionist. however as i reached the door, pulled out my purse and opened it up i groaned as i realised i had infact put it in there for safe keeping.
i told taffy they wouldn't be there for another hour and explained the whole situation about the card which by now i found hilarious.
i was bouncing off the walls......literally.
infact, as "that's not my name" by the ting tings came on the radio we found ourselves jumping up and down on the sofa next to the window singing it out loud.
i was so excited.
finally at 6.05 i dragged taffy out to see them.
it was the perfect timing as we caught stu and jim smoking outside the stage door and as i lit up a ciggerette and passed the drumsticks to jim to sign taffy got into a conversation with stu.
shortly after they went in and jarvey appeared. he began talking to us and i showed him the signiture on my drumsticks. jarvey smiled mischieviously and replied
"he was proabably scared you HAD bought a wardrobe!"
blushing slightly i covered my face and groaned as i expressed how much i regretted putting that in. however jarvey laughed and told me they had found it funny before rushing over to see his parents and showing them the file.
i was so happy. i knew they'd like it, but i never thought jarvey would be that happy about it!
as the boys did their soundchecks we amused ourselves by singing along, adding in the parts they didn't do and taking photos of the funny graffiti on the walls.
time went by pretty quickly. it was 8pm when we went round to the door and who should appear but ali and mark.
mark turned to me and said "that eyeshadow hasn't gone a miss" as i smiled so much my face ached before asking how much the tickets were.
suprised mark asked "do you not have tickets yet?" we shook our heads as the boys exchanged looks
"is there something we can do?" ali said to mark as mark replied they could see before they went off inside.
a moment later ali popped his head around the courner sticking his thumb up. we looked at each other and shrugged as we stood up ready to go in.
as we walked up to the paying disk the man smiled at us "go right ahead girls" he said winking at us.
ali and mark had got us in for free!
with the spare money we saved we grabbed a drink and took our place at the front as the first band came on.
they were okay but i was more concerned with once again watching the boys run back and forth.
the second band however was brilliant and i was enjoying them so much i decided to take a photo.
i had just took the picture when i realised there was somone in the way....jarvey!
stunned by the flash he stopped and turned cringing slightly as he realised he had got in the way. half amused i looked at him pretending to be annoyed as he laughed slightly and kept walking as i looked at the photo, shook my head and laughed.
as the third band came on i folded my arms on the table and burried my head. they were pretty boring and taffy had dissapeared to the bar so i had nothing to do.
i was feeling down for some reason, probably lack of good music, but as i felt a hand on my lower back i perked up and turned before a smile burst through on my face
there smiling back at me, with his adorable smile was none other than jim. he asked if i was alright as i nodded, watched him go backstage, sighed and smiled.
and so once more the excitement returned, as did taffy and we watched as the boys set up quickly before bursting on with, as always, step accross.
for once, envy were not the last band, they were joint headliners with the actually named band, the headliners who had been on the mobileact unsigned competition with them the year before.
obviously with the name, it made sense putting the headliners on last, even though envy DID win over them!
anyway during the show the boys announced that the headliners were on next and that they were kind of local boys coming from barnsley.
out of no where suddenly, ali turned in a typical ali daze and replied "i saw a three legged dog in barnsley once...."
for some reason this amused me more than anything he had ever said before.
the rest of their show went perfectly. i was slightly upset that they did not do martyr but i understood that they had to do a shorter show this time.
as the show came to an end i saw jarvey fling his setlist off the stage.
promptly i went and picked it up before also demanding, as usual, jim's setlist.
i decided to go and get my setlist from jarvey signed and get my photo taken with him.
i also talked breifly to his mum.
after a chat with jarvey he excused himself to go and watch the headliners as me and taffy
also joined the crowd.
as the headliners finished everyone left but as always me and taffy lingured behind while trhe boys packed up. i collered each of them for a photo and even got one with me, ali, jim and jarvey...as mark had at that point gone missing.
me, taffy, jim ali, and stu were standing around a table having a chat. i felt once more, special and accepted but as i felt my phone start to vibrate i cringed.
the tune to "highness" once more rang out as ali looked over suprised and i blushed.
it was pretty embarressing but i'm sure deep down they'd be flattered.
sooner or later we all wound up in the street as i lit up a ciggerette.
i gave one to stu, ali and jim too, in which jim replied with "ah you're a star"
it was then we realised phil was missing. i think i was more upset than the band.
mark said they would get another and call it gary or something but it wouldn't be the same.
i was quite upset.
they then went on to tell me they had played a free festival with one of my other favourite
bands, elliot minor.
they said they were suprised i wasn't there and i told them teary eyed that i didn't know about it.
of course, stu took the oppertunity to tease me
"ah it was great" he teased "the hoosiers played, they were giving free drinks out to people named lor"
i wined and put on a pet lip as jim informed me he was just pulling me leg.....which obviously i HAD figured!
with a final big hug from all 5 of the boys we watched them pull away before running over to our hotel laying on our beds and sighing.
i was smiling but i was sad too. i really didn't know when i'd see them next this time.
and this time it hurt even more as all four....or indeed five including stu had come to mean the absolute world to me.
i let out a few tears as a looked at the photos. one photo in particular made me smile slightly...
me and jarvey. for some reason i became even fonder of him that night. perhaps because of the episode in the rain and how he actually cared enough to not see me get too wet.
i didn't know back then it wouldn't be the only time he sheltered me from the rain.
finally a smile burst through on my face. i knew i was just being silly.
of course i would see them again. of course it would be soon.
after all, fate couldn't leave it there.
content and tired i turned off my camera, lay my 'jimsticks' on my pillow beside me
and fell into a deep deep sleep laced with dreams of them....
CHAPTER 5: I bring the rain
CHAPTER 5: i bring the rain
it was nice and sunny when i left the house in the early hours of the morning.
so nice infact that i was quite happy wearing a thin pair of trousers and a thin jacket.
big mistake.
i sat on the second train of my journey, writing in a small notebook;
"i'm on the train to york now, can't wait to see my boys,
especially jim of course!"
i took a moment to think of what else to write and looked up.
as i stared out of the window i groaned as tiny little dots of rain began to appear.
i was begining to think that the rain was following me.
by the time i got to york station the rain was bouncing off the pavement.
i ran as fast as i could accross the road to the bus stop wishing the bus to copmanthorpe
would get a move on.
of course, as typical as my luck is the bus was late and i ended up looking like a drowned rat
but i was thankful to just be sheltered and i settled on a back seat watching the beautiful houses and buildings go by.
it took half an hour to get to the little village of copmanthorpe but as the bus pulled up i stepped out into the rain, completely lost.
thankfully a kindly old man showed me the way and i got on talking to him.
he was amazed how far i had come....
i thought to myself, i'd walk to the end of the earth for those boys.....
of course, the four were already there soundchecking. i sheltered under a tree by the carpark and watched them. i dont think they had seen me. so i tried my best to flatten my soaked hair and enjoyed my very own mini gig.
within time, as i hummed along to "man bites god" i put my hand in my pocket and realised my ciggerettes were no longer there. they must have fallen out on the bus.
completely irritated i asked a taxi driver where the nearest shop was.
he told me it was 10 minutes walk back to the shops but as he noticed just how soaking, cold and slightly fed up i looked, he told me he could drop me off there for free on his way to pick up the next person.
by the time i had walked back with a new packet of malbro lights clasped in my hands the rain was heavier than i had ever seen it in my life.
i was so dissapointed as i had been up since before 5am getting ready. it barely seemed worth it.
by now the envy boys had gone back to thier van for shelter as the carnival organisers got ready for opening.
not that it looked up to much. a few stalls, a carnival game or two. it would have seemed a bit empty on the nicest of days, yet alone then.
in a desperate attempt to at least keep a bit sheltered i walked around the back of a burger tent, which, naturaly me being vegan, the smell was making me feel sick but the plastic tent cover and the ledge from the pub wall i was leaning against gave at least some shelter as i lit up another ciggerette and looked over to behind the stage. i could see the "black beast" standing there. "lucky sods" i thought "all nice and dry in there"
five mintues later i was standing smoking and humming the tune to martyr when i looked up and smiled, spotting a familiar face.
with a big smile jarvey walked over, a huge umbrella in his hands.
as he reached me he asked how i was and hugged me briefly before saying
"we saw you out here in the rain and thought we'd give you this" he passed me the huge blue umbrella which i put up immedietly and thanked him before he rushed back to the van and i smiled to myself thinking of how it wasn't the first time jarvey had protected me from the rain...
after ten minutes in the bathroom with a brush and my make-up i looked just say presentable again as i put up my umbrella and stood outside the bar watching the place begin to fill up.
it wasn't long before another familiar face appeared...... mark.
he walked over smiling and gave me a big hug.
we were talking about the carnival when ali came along.
he greeted me too as the three of us started to chat.
i told them there was a rodeo bull and ali should pose on it so i could take photos for the forum.
he laughed but refused as him and mark pointed out the army asault course and started laughing about what kind of soldiers the pair would make!
after they wandered off i went over and watched the first band who were named kinch.
they were a pretty cool band but i just wished envy would come on, after all, i was freezing cold.
i decided to occupie myself by wandering around looking at the stalls and attractions.
it didn't take too long as i'd spent my money within five minutes and there wasn't a great deal to see.
never the less, a small miracle happened, as i returned to the stage area to watch a solo singer named oliver j brooke, the clouds parted, the rain died and the sun shone brightly.
within a few minutes i was scorching hot and finally out of my glum mood.
the four boys were taking advantage of the sun too.
within ten minutes of the rain stopping i spotted them on the tennis court round the back of the stage playing doubles.
i smiled to myself and watched them but for some reason i was too shy to go over and watch...
give them their privicy i thought.
they must have been playing for an hour and a half.
i wandered around bored as pretentious teenage girls danced to high school musical songs on the stage in clothes that should never have been designed for children.
every now and then i popped my head round the corner and watched them play for a moment or so before searching desperately for something interesting that i hadn't spotted before.
as if boredom wasn't enough the clouds crept up as drop by drop the rain sneaked back up on the carnival.
groaning i rushed into the pub toilets to warm up and make sure i looked at least half decent before rushing back out and bumping straight into jarvey.
we didn't have much of a conversation. he said hi to me, i said hi back then he smiled and walked off.......
i can remember i felt myself blushing a bit, and i think that was when it occured to me, i had a bit of a crush on him!
i was going to run after him and ask who won the tennis game but i decided against it and ran over to the bunjee run to watch silly little 8 year old boys queing up to get even more wet!
after the amusement of that wore off i began to watch the groups of middle aged women trying to concor the rodeo bull and smiled to myself as the sun once more burst into the sky.
when i finally got bored of watching people making fools of themselves i wandered back to the stage area to watch the band what was on.
as i apporached ali spotted me and smiled.
i went and stood by him as he turned to me and asked if i was enjoying the carnival
i told him "sort of" but that i had ran out of money and had nothing to do.
he nodded but fell silent as we turned to watch the band.
however, a moment later i looked up to see another familiar face approaching us,
the one familiar face i hadn't seen all day.....
jim!
he rushed over smiling as he wrapped his arms around me and greeted me.
at this point ali's phone went off and he wandered away to answer it leaving me and jim to catch up.
there was a silence for a moment as we lit up our ciggerettes before jim turned and asked wether i had been enjoying myself.
i explained that i had liked kinch but mentioned the pretentious teenage girls in which he smiled at and replied with something like
"there's nothing worse than pretentious teenage girls"
before asking how i was and what i had been up to since i last saw him.
it was really bizzare...
i had always had a crush on jim since i first saw him...
even that morning...
but right there, as we just stood and chatted i realised something
i'd grown to love him as too much of a friend to be anything else.
we talked for ages about how he was meant to be at his friend's wedding and giggled at how he was going to "turn up" later when she was too drunk to notice his absence....
naughty jim!
after half an hour his phone also rang.
he explained he was needed back at the van and with one big hug he went off.
i sat myself on the grass, looked up and noticed something,
the whole time i had been with jim
there hadn't been one drop of rain
and i thought it was a metaphore when i said jim brightened up my day, HA!
it didn't last long though.
soon the heavens opened once more,
just as envy were setting up.
however it didn't phase my mood.
infact i was more excitable than ever when the presenter from radio fm set up a mini version of envy and other sins' infamous sport "pheasant" which is a bizzare mix of football and tennis.....gone wrong.
obviously being the only one there sporting an envy t-shirt i felt it my duty to volenteer myself to play.......
and the boys watched in amusement between setting up as i lost to a very drunk girl.
my spirits were higher than ever as the boys finally came onto the stage.
the drunk girl had taken a liken to me and we danced through song after song.
before i knew it envy were announcing their last song.
however, i realised they one more hadn't done martyr.
i told the drunk girl this and cringed as she shouted "lor wants martyr"
ali didn't catch on what she was asking at first and thanked me infront of everyone for coming which made me feel special enough but i really did want them to do martyr so i shouted "do martyr"
jarvey kept replying "lor wants us to do shipwrecked" but as i replied "no martyr!!!!!"
ali said something to jarvey and to my joy they started playing martyr!
after the show i rushed over to the boys and they were as lovely as ever.
jarvey handed me his stage pass and the setlist and i got talking to his mum as they packed up
eventually i knew it was time to say goodbye. sadly i gave jarvey and ali a hug, then jim, then mark gave me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek which made me smile but as always...the walking away was the hardest part.
thinking about how amazing the day had been i walked along the street of the small village, singing shipwrecked to myself.
i felt glum, as i always did when i had to leave them.
i hadn't realised just how much i loved the four of them until that day....
and for some reason it wasn't jim who was on my mind most....it was jarvey.
i was deep in thought, wondering when i'd see them next when i heard a car horn behind me.
i turned around just in time to see two familiar faces smiling down from the black van....jarvey and jim.
they waved as finally a smile burst through on my face and i waved back knowing that no matter where, no matter how, i would see them again soon, and that was a promise to myself.
it was nice and sunny when i left the house in the early hours of the morning.
so nice infact that i was quite happy wearing a thin pair of trousers and a thin jacket.
big mistake.
i sat on the second train of my journey, writing in a small notebook;
"i'm on the train to york now, can't wait to see my boys,
especially jim of course!"
i took a moment to think of what else to write and looked up.
as i stared out of the window i groaned as tiny little dots of rain began to appear.
i was begining to think that the rain was following me.
by the time i got to york station the rain was bouncing off the pavement.
i ran as fast as i could accross the road to the bus stop wishing the bus to copmanthorpe
would get a move on.
of course, as typical as my luck is the bus was late and i ended up looking like a drowned rat
but i was thankful to just be sheltered and i settled on a back seat watching the beautiful houses and buildings go by.
it took half an hour to get to the little village of copmanthorpe but as the bus pulled up i stepped out into the rain, completely lost.
thankfully a kindly old man showed me the way and i got on talking to him.
he was amazed how far i had come....
i thought to myself, i'd walk to the end of the earth for those boys.....
of course, the four were already there soundchecking. i sheltered under a tree by the carpark and watched them. i dont think they had seen me. so i tried my best to flatten my soaked hair and enjoyed my very own mini gig.
within time, as i hummed along to "man bites god" i put my hand in my pocket and realised my ciggerettes were no longer there. they must have fallen out on the bus.
completely irritated i asked a taxi driver where the nearest shop was.
he told me it was 10 minutes walk back to the shops but as he noticed just how soaking, cold and slightly fed up i looked, he told me he could drop me off there for free on his way to pick up the next person.
by the time i had walked back with a new packet of malbro lights clasped in my hands the rain was heavier than i had ever seen it in my life.
i was so dissapointed as i had been up since before 5am getting ready. it barely seemed worth it.
by now the envy boys had gone back to thier van for shelter as the carnival organisers got ready for opening.
not that it looked up to much. a few stalls, a carnival game or two. it would have seemed a bit empty on the nicest of days, yet alone then.
in a desperate attempt to at least keep a bit sheltered i walked around the back of a burger tent, which, naturaly me being vegan, the smell was making me feel sick but the plastic tent cover and the ledge from the pub wall i was leaning against gave at least some shelter as i lit up another ciggerette and looked over to behind the stage. i could see the "black beast" standing there. "lucky sods" i thought "all nice and dry in there"
five mintues later i was standing smoking and humming the tune to martyr when i looked up and smiled, spotting a familiar face.
with a big smile jarvey walked over, a huge umbrella in his hands.
as he reached me he asked how i was and hugged me briefly before saying
"we saw you out here in the rain and thought we'd give you this" he passed me the huge blue umbrella which i put up immedietly and thanked him before he rushed back to the van and i smiled to myself thinking of how it wasn't the first time jarvey had protected me from the rain...
after ten minutes in the bathroom with a brush and my make-up i looked just say presentable again as i put up my umbrella and stood outside the bar watching the place begin to fill up.
it wasn't long before another familiar face appeared...... mark.
he walked over smiling and gave me a big hug.
we were talking about the carnival when ali came along.
he greeted me too as the three of us started to chat.
i told them there was a rodeo bull and ali should pose on it so i could take photos for the forum.
he laughed but refused as him and mark pointed out the army asault course and started laughing about what kind of soldiers the pair would make!
after they wandered off i went over and watched the first band who were named kinch.
they were a pretty cool band but i just wished envy would come on, after all, i was freezing cold.
i decided to occupie myself by wandering around looking at the stalls and attractions.
it didn't take too long as i'd spent my money within five minutes and there wasn't a great deal to see.
never the less, a small miracle happened, as i returned to the stage area to watch a solo singer named oliver j brooke, the clouds parted, the rain died and the sun shone brightly.
within a few minutes i was scorching hot and finally out of my glum mood.
the four boys were taking advantage of the sun too.
within ten minutes of the rain stopping i spotted them on the tennis court round the back of the stage playing doubles.
i smiled to myself and watched them but for some reason i was too shy to go over and watch...
give them their privicy i thought.
they must have been playing for an hour and a half.
i wandered around bored as pretentious teenage girls danced to high school musical songs on the stage in clothes that should never have been designed for children.
every now and then i popped my head round the corner and watched them play for a moment or so before searching desperately for something interesting that i hadn't spotted before.
as if boredom wasn't enough the clouds crept up as drop by drop the rain sneaked back up on the carnival.
groaning i rushed into the pub toilets to warm up and make sure i looked at least half decent before rushing back out and bumping straight into jarvey.
we didn't have much of a conversation. he said hi to me, i said hi back then he smiled and walked off.......
i can remember i felt myself blushing a bit, and i think that was when it occured to me, i had a bit of a crush on him!
i was going to run after him and ask who won the tennis game but i decided against it and ran over to the bunjee run to watch silly little 8 year old boys queing up to get even more wet!
after the amusement of that wore off i began to watch the groups of middle aged women trying to concor the rodeo bull and smiled to myself as the sun once more burst into the sky.
when i finally got bored of watching people making fools of themselves i wandered back to the stage area to watch the band what was on.
as i apporached ali spotted me and smiled.
i went and stood by him as he turned to me and asked if i was enjoying the carnival
i told him "sort of" but that i had ran out of money and had nothing to do.
he nodded but fell silent as we turned to watch the band.
however, a moment later i looked up to see another familiar face approaching us,
the one familiar face i hadn't seen all day.....
jim!
he rushed over smiling as he wrapped his arms around me and greeted me.
at this point ali's phone went off and he wandered away to answer it leaving me and jim to catch up.
there was a silence for a moment as we lit up our ciggerettes before jim turned and asked wether i had been enjoying myself.
i explained that i had liked kinch but mentioned the pretentious teenage girls in which he smiled at and replied with something like
"there's nothing worse than pretentious teenage girls"
before asking how i was and what i had been up to since i last saw him.
it was really bizzare...
i had always had a crush on jim since i first saw him...
even that morning...
but right there, as we just stood and chatted i realised something
i'd grown to love him as too much of a friend to be anything else.
we talked for ages about how he was meant to be at his friend's wedding and giggled at how he was going to "turn up" later when she was too drunk to notice his absence....
naughty jim!
after half an hour his phone also rang.
he explained he was needed back at the van and with one big hug he went off.
i sat myself on the grass, looked up and noticed something,
the whole time i had been with jim
there hadn't been one drop of rain
and i thought it was a metaphore when i said jim brightened up my day, HA!
it didn't last long though.
soon the heavens opened once more,
just as envy were setting up.
however it didn't phase my mood.
infact i was more excitable than ever when the presenter from radio fm set up a mini version of envy and other sins' infamous sport "pheasant" which is a bizzare mix of football and tennis.....gone wrong.
obviously being the only one there sporting an envy t-shirt i felt it my duty to volenteer myself to play.......
and the boys watched in amusement between setting up as i lost to a very drunk girl.
my spirits were higher than ever as the boys finally came onto the stage.
the drunk girl had taken a liken to me and we danced through song after song.
before i knew it envy were announcing their last song.
however, i realised they one more hadn't done martyr.
i told the drunk girl this and cringed as she shouted "lor wants martyr"
ali didn't catch on what she was asking at first and thanked me infront of everyone for coming which made me feel special enough but i really did want them to do martyr so i shouted "do martyr"
jarvey kept replying "lor wants us to do shipwrecked" but as i replied "no martyr!!!!!"
ali said something to jarvey and to my joy they started playing martyr!
after the show i rushed over to the boys and they were as lovely as ever.
jarvey handed me his stage pass and the setlist and i got talking to his mum as they packed up
eventually i knew it was time to say goodbye. sadly i gave jarvey and ali a hug, then jim, then mark gave me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek which made me smile but as always...the walking away was the hardest part.
thinking about how amazing the day had been i walked along the street of the small village, singing shipwrecked to myself.
i felt glum, as i always did when i had to leave them.
i hadn't realised just how much i loved the four of them until that day....
and for some reason it wasn't jim who was on my mind most....it was jarvey.
i was deep in thought, wondering when i'd see them next when i heard a car horn behind me.
i turned around just in time to see two familiar faces smiling down from the black van....jarvey and jim.
they waved as finally a smile burst through on my face and i waved back knowing that no matter where, no matter how, i would see them again soon, and that was a promise to myself.
CHAPTER 6:our friend, lor
it was a couple of day into august, and i sat in my bedroom feeling glum.
i knew at that very moment, sinners from all over the country were gathering in a park in birmingham to watch and even participate in the "pheasant championships 2008"
but i was completely poor, still awaiting my first payment from job seekers alowence, who were checking therilly that i had indeed left university.
i had tried desperately to raise the money.
i begged, i borrowed, i tried my hardest to sell things.
in my most desperate moments i attempted to take my precious guitars into cash converters to raise the money.....
but i just didn't have the heart.
i told taffy online about not being able to afford to go a few days before, and we made a joke about me sitting being emo in my bedroom while listening to "shipwrecked" on repeat.
taffy found this such a funny image in her head that she drew a cartoon of me, slitting my wrists screaming "nooo emo forever" as a radio beside me played shipwrecked, which i promptly put on my myspace display photo.
within a few hours of me changing my photo to that, there was a message in my inbox......
it read;
"dont be emo forever, don't sell your guitars, there'll be other shows, we'll see you soon, i promise---- jarvey xxx"
it had put a temperary smile on my face.
after all, since coming home from the carnival in copmanthorpe that day,
it was no longer jim i had a school girl crush on,
it was jarvey instead.
but even jarvey's kind words wore off after a while and as i sat on the day, moping, i wondered just how long i would have to wait until i saw them again
after all it was over a month since the carnival,
the longest i had been away from them since i had first met them,
but this didn't make me give up hope, oh no! if anything, it made me MORE determined to see them and as i wiped my eyes i promised myself as soon as i got some money, i would go to ANY of thier shows to see them.
it was so lucky then, that my money came through 2 days later, and i jumped with joy as i realized i had more than enough to travel and see them.
after all, i was well aware what their next gig would be,
the gig i was HOPING to go to anyway,
a gig in my most favourite place in the world, london.
it was 3pm and i sat in the small internet cafe just outside of liester square while i typed up my latest blog entry.
it had been quite a day already.
since arriving in london at 6.30am i had already checked into my youth hostel, walked the 2 miles to find out where the venue was, seen the whole of hyde park and spent an hour or so in covent garden.
it had already been an incredable day, but the best was yet to come.
i remember looking down and smiling at the brown paper bag beside me.
i always liked to get my envy boys a little something everytime i see them
and i had 4 colourful lollypops neatly tucked away in my green day bag i was carrying with me,
but in the brown paper bag was a special something i picked up on the way.
i had been browsing around covent garden market you see, when i spotted a stall with handcarved pens.....
and there it was. as if it was made for me to come along and buy......a wooden pen, carved into the shape of a pheasant.
i thought of one person imedietly....ali.
so i was prepared.
the gifts, the excitement, and highness playing over and over in my head
what else could i possibley need?
i looked out of the window and got my answer
the bright summers day had suddenly turned black and everyone pulled their coats around them as the heavens opened
as i watched, i remember smiling to myself and thinking "i've brought the rain again@
i looked in the small cracked mirror in my hostel room as i applied my bright green eye shadow.
for once i decided not to wear an envy top.
i felt really good about myself that particular day and wanted to follow that up by "dressing up" a little bit more than usual.
so in a pair of dark jeans, a low cut red top and my hair straigtened under a black hat i took one last glance in the mirror and headed off.
as i stepped outside i smiled even more as i looked up.
the last drop of rain dripped down onto my face as the clouds suddenly cleared
and for the first time while making my way to an envy concert......the sun shone brightly.
i stepped outside of the tube station at highburry and islington and smiled to myself.
i saw him imedietly, standing in the doorway of the venue.....jim!
he looked suprised yet happy to see me as i rushed over and hugged him.
i talked to him for a moment or two, and i think we lit up a ciggerette.
he then turned and asked me "would you like a job?"
i was suprised wondering what he meant but said yes anyway then much to my amusement he passed me a stuffed pheasant and replied with "look after him while we set up"
i laughed and agreed before i telling him i was meeting a friend in the pub next door and that he was welcome to join us.
to my delight he told me the venue wasnt open yet and they were still waiting for ali and jarvey to arrive so him and mark would join me in there now.
so after texting my friend, kieron to let him know where i was, we made our way into the pub.
jim bought me a drink and the three of us....and the pheasant.... grabbed the seats by the window.
we got on chatting as always about how they were helping ali build a shed and so on.
mark also, as always, commented on how i looked.
i remember blushing and thanking him.
for some reason, i always felt shy around mark...
it wasn't much longer when kieron arrived and imedietly he clicked with the two
until jarvey and ali arived and the two rushed off to get ready
leaving me and kieron to pheasant sit!
we were having a laugh taking photos of us with it when i saw someone pass the window.
in amazement i just asked "was that noel fielding?"
ans without barely giving kieron a chance to reply i dashed out into the street and hurdled after him.
after meeting and talking to noel my spirits where higher than ever as i greeted ali and jarvey.
i did notice however i had already got over my crush on jarvey for some reason.
i guess it was just a phase.
kieron left not long after that and i waited outside the venue as i heard the boys setting up inside.
the girls on the door however struck up a conversation with me.
i told them how many times i had seen them.
they knew it was an hour before the doors would open properly and it was getting quite cold so they told me to just go down.
it was brilliant! watching the boys soundchecking was like my own little private gig.
i went out for a ciggerette after their soundchecks and got talking to ali.
he pretty much told me off for even thinking of selling my guitars and we talked for ages as always, until the other 3 dragged him away to get food.
alone, i went back in and watched the support.
they were pretty cool and i enjoyed them but i wished i wasn't such a loner.
well my wish got answered.
as i seem to do at every envy gig, i made a brand new friend
and her name was rhiannon.
i clicked with her imedietly and we realised we had actualy spoke before online.
we were also very much into photography and bragged to each other about each photo we took.
i stuck with rhiannon all the way through the show and we had an awesome time,
so after the show we both rushed out to see the boys.
sometime between going outside i lost rhiannon for a short while,
i think she was helping jarvey to pack up
soi wandered over to where jim and mark were and asked for a photo.
they handed my camera to the woman they were talking to as we posed for a photo.
as she passed the camera back to me jim introduced her to me
i dont remember her name but i think he said she was their agent.
what he said next i will probably never forget.
he turned to the woman and smiling said
"and this is our friend lor"
i had always called myself a friend of theirs when i told people
but i always thought to them i'd just be a fan,
yet hearing jim say that made me feel so special and i couldn't stop smiling after that.
i found rhiannon again and we talked to the boys even more.
i gave them their lollypops which mark said he would eat on the way home because it was the only food in the van!
ali also adored his pen which i said he could "write the next album with"
me and rhiannon helped the boys pack up and took more photos before they climbed into their two vans and bid us goodbye.
me and rhiannon got in a taxi and as i got out at my hostel i hugged her and promised to keep in touch.
it had been a long day and i was exorsted but i couldnt go to bed just yet.
imedietly i went to the hostel's cyber cafe, typed up a long blog about my day and uploaded the photos
i looked through them until i got to the one of me mark and jim.
i smiled to myself as i thought of jim saying "our friend lor"
then found myself glancing at mark, smiling even more and thinking
"oooh no, here comes crush no.3"
all in all it had been one of the greatest days of my life and i could, as always, barely wait to see them again.
it was a couple of day into august, and i sat in my bedroom feeling glum.
i knew at that very moment, sinners from all over the country were gathering in a park in birmingham to watch and even participate in the "pheasant championships 2008"
but i was completely poor, still awaiting my first payment from job seekers alowence, who were checking therilly that i had indeed left university.
i had tried desperately to raise the money.
i begged, i borrowed, i tried my hardest to sell things.
in my most desperate moments i attempted to take my precious guitars into cash converters to raise the money.....
but i just didn't have the heart.
i told taffy online about not being able to afford to go a few days before, and we made a joke about me sitting being emo in my bedroom while listening to "shipwrecked" on repeat.
taffy found this such a funny image in her head that she drew a cartoon of me, slitting my wrists screaming "nooo emo forever" as a radio beside me played shipwrecked, which i promptly put on my myspace display photo.
within a few hours of me changing my photo to that, there was a message in my inbox......
it read;
"dont be emo forever, don't sell your guitars, there'll be other shows, we'll see you soon, i promise---- jarvey xxx"
it had put a temperary smile on my face.
after all, since coming home from the carnival in copmanthorpe that day,
it was no longer jim i had a school girl crush on,
it was jarvey instead.
but even jarvey's kind words wore off after a while and as i sat on the day, moping, i wondered just how long i would have to wait until i saw them again
after all it was over a month since the carnival,
the longest i had been away from them since i had first met them,
but this didn't make me give up hope, oh no! if anything, it made me MORE determined to see them and as i wiped my eyes i promised myself as soon as i got some money, i would go to ANY of thier shows to see them.
it was so lucky then, that my money came through 2 days later, and i jumped with joy as i realized i had more than enough to travel and see them.
after all, i was well aware what their next gig would be,
the gig i was HOPING to go to anyway,
a gig in my most favourite place in the world, london.
it was 3pm and i sat in the small internet cafe just outside of liester square while i typed up my latest blog entry.
it had been quite a day already.
since arriving in london at 6.30am i had already checked into my youth hostel, walked the 2 miles to find out where the venue was, seen the whole of hyde park and spent an hour or so in covent garden.
it had already been an incredable day, but the best was yet to come.
i remember looking down and smiling at the brown paper bag beside me.
i always liked to get my envy boys a little something everytime i see them
and i had 4 colourful lollypops neatly tucked away in my green day bag i was carrying with me,
but in the brown paper bag was a special something i picked up on the way.
i had been browsing around covent garden market you see, when i spotted a stall with handcarved pens.....
and there it was. as if it was made for me to come along and buy......a wooden pen, carved into the shape of a pheasant.
i thought of one person imedietly....ali.
so i was prepared.
the gifts, the excitement, and highness playing over and over in my head
what else could i possibley need?
i looked out of the window and got my answer
the bright summers day had suddenly turned black and everyone pulled their coats around them as the heavens opened
as i watched, i remember smiling to myself and thinking "i've brought the rain again@
i looked in the small cracked mirror in my hostel room as i applied my bright green eye shadow.
for once i decided not to wear an envy top.
i felt really good about myself that particular day and wanted to follow that up by "dressing up" a little bit more than usual.
so in a pair of dark jeans, a low cut red top and my hair straigtened under a black hat i took one last glance in the mirror and headed off.
as i stepped outside i smiled even more as i looked up.
the last drop of rain dripped down onto my face as the clouds suddenly cleared
and for the first time while making my way to an envy concert......the sun shone brightly.
i stepped outside of the tube station at highburry and islington and smiled to myself.
i saw him imedietly, standing in the doorway of the venue.....jim!
he looked suprised yet happy to see me as i rushed over and hugged him.
i talked to him for a moment or two, and i think we lit up a ciggerette.
he then turned and asked me "would you like a job?"
i was suprised wondering what he meant but said yes anyway then much to my amusement he passed me a stuffed pheasant and replied with "look after him while we set up"
i laughed and agreed before i telling him i was meeting a friend in the pub next door and that he was welcome to join us.
to my delight he told me the venue wasnt open yet and they were still waiting for ali and jarvey to arrive so him and mark would join me in there now.
so after texting my friend, kieron to let him know where i was, we made our way into the pub.
jim bought me a drink and the three of us....and the pheasant.... grabbed the seats by the window.
we got on chatting as always about how they were helping ali build a shed and so on.
mark also, as always, commented on how i looked.
i remember blushing and thanking him.
for some reason, i always felt shy around mark...
it wasn't much longer when kieron arrived and imedietly he clicked with the two
until jarvey and ali arived and the two rushed off to get ready
leaving me and kieron to pheasant sit!
we were having a laugh taking photos of us with it when i saw someone pass the window.
in amazement i just asked "was that noel fielding?"
ans without barely giving kieron a chance to reply i dashed out into the street and hurdled after him.
after meeting and talking to noel my spirits where higher than ever as i greeted ali and jarvey.
i did notice however i had already got over my crush on jarvey for some reason.
i guess it was just a phase.
kieron left not long after that and i waited outside the venue as i heard the boys setting up inside.
the girls on the door however struck up a conversation with me.
i told them how many times i had seen them.
they knew it was an hour before the doors would open properly and it was getting quite cold so they told me to just go down.
it was brilliant! watching the boys soundchecking was like my own little private gig.
i went out for a ciggerette after their soundchecks and got talking to ali.
he pretty much told me off for even thinking of selling my guitars and we talked for ages as always, until the other 3 dragged him away to get food.
alone, i went back in and watched the support.
they were pretty cool and i enjoyed them but i wished i wasn't such a loner.
well my wish got answered.
as i seem to do at every envy gig, i made a brand new friend
and her name was rhiannon.
i clicked with her imedietly and we realised we had actualy spoke before online.
we were also very much into photography and bragged to each other about each photo we took.
i stuck with rhiannon all the way through the show and we had an awesome time,
so after the show we both rushed out to see the boys.
sometime between going outside i lost rhiannon for a short while,
i think she was helping jarvey to pack up
soi wandered over to where jim and mark were and asked for a photo.
they handed my camera to the woman they were talking to as we posed for a photo.
as she passed the camera back to me jim introduced her to me
i dont remember her name but i think he said she was their agent.
what he said next i will probably never forget.
he turned to the woman and smiling said
"and this is our friend lor"
i had always called myself a friend of theirs when i told people
but i always thought to them i'd just be a fan,
yet hearing jim say that made me feel so special and i couldn't stop smiling after that.
i found rhiannon again and we talked to the boys even more.
i gave them their lollypops which mark said he would eat on the way home because it was the only food in the van!
ali also adored his pen which i said he could "write the next album with"
me and rhiannon helped the boys pack up and took more photos before they climbed into their two vans and bid us goodbye.
me and rhiannon got in a taxi and as i got out at my hostel i hugged her and promised to keep in touch.
it had been a long day and i was exorsted but i couldnt go to bed just yet.
imedietly i went to the hostel's cyber cafe, typed up a long blog about my day and uploaded the photos
i looked through them until i got to the one of me mark and jim.
i smiled to myself as i thought of jim saying "our friend lor"
then found myself glancing at mark, smiling even more and thinking
"oooh no, here comes crush no.3"
all in all it had been one of the greatest days of my life and i could, as always, barely wait to see them again.
CHAPTER 7: where the children glisten.
days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months.
money was tight and i had just started a college course of photography
so traveling was out of the question.
it had been almost five months since i had seen the boys.
i got occassional messages from jarvey but apart from that,
the only envious thing about my life was the tshirts i wore almost always
and the songs i played constantly on my mp3 player.
i didnt think it was this possible to miss a band so much.....
i kept checking repeatedly on their website for new show dates
but they were all down south, far further than i could afford to go.
in early december i descovered they were planning on a christmas show in birmigham one week before christmas
i almost cried thinking of missing it.
i knew somehow i had to be there, like it was life or death of a matter.
i thought back then it was just because it was going to be spectacular,
i know now mabye a part of me knew deep down that it would be the last time i would ever see them......
either way, i knew i had to be there.
so when my mam finally asked what i wanted for christmas,
all i could say was to go to birmingham.
it was a cold december morning and i sat tiredly in the bus station giving evil eyes to anyone walking past with a cigerette.
i had been trying to quit and had managed a week but this journey was going to prove to be my most challenging quit task yet.
as the bus pulled in i looked up and smiled.
in a few hours, just a few hours, i would be in my precious birmingham again,
i would be settling in my room above the quaint little pub again
and come tonight, i would once more see the boys who still meant the world to me.
those thoughts got me through the whole journey,
well those and sleep
but sleep proved to be quite difficult when a screaming child was sat behind me for half of the journey.
i was so relieved when the bus finally pulled into digabeth 5 hours later and i rushed up to check in at the big bull's head.
it was already 4pm so after a quick refresh of my make up and a quick pub meal downstairs,
i walked all of five minutes to the rainbow club.
suprisingly however, there was no sign of the boys, or the black beast,
so after a quick drink in the bar i went for a short walk, explored a bit
and of course, when i returned 20 minutes later, there they were.
jarvey spotted me first and smiled widely waving.
i ran down and gave him a hug before hugging the others.
at that exact moment we felt something on our heads.......raindrops
i had brought the rain again!
we laughed about that briefly before mark told me to come inside so i wouldnt get wet.
blushing i followed him in.
my crush on mark had pretty much grown over the five months, despite the fact i had a boyfriend by then.
it seemed like this time it was a permanant infactuation.
i settled in the corner and watched the boys set up.
it seemed more hectic than usual this time and i found myself getting in the way alot.
eventually mark asked me to help him set up the merchandise stall so i followed him over
i didnt really get the chance to do much.......he kind of took over,
but i chatted to him alot and it was nice spending time with him.
i particularly remember him taking 10 minutes to write a sign saying how much the t-shirts cost.
after he finished he got back to setting up the stage and so i sat in the corner and watched the madness.
from no where stu seemed to appear and as i saw him walk accross the room and light up a cigerette i decided enough was enough!
i walked over and BEGGED him for a cigerette
of course, he gave me one and i chatted to him and jim before deciding to go and buy some cigerettes.
when i got back from the corner shop two more girls were in the room. one of the girls rushed over to me and i recognised her imedietly
a sinner i had been speaking to online for ages, named fran.
we clicked imedietly and entertained ourselves by laughing at............everything really, until finally at 10pm envy came onstage.
it was a night i will never forget, i was joined in the crowd by another online friend named laura as we watched the boys sing christmas songs weaved in amongst their normal setlist.
at one point jarvey sang "stop the cavery" while ali played maracas
and mark even sang a rather different version of white chirstmas which had the lyrics
"i'm dreaming of a white xmas, just like the ones i used to know,
where the children glisten, and the treetops listen
to the sound of the faint screams in the night
i'm dreaming of a white christmas with every christmas card i write
may your days be scary and nice
and may all your christmas be white"
after the show i rused over to them with congratulations hugs
i asked if they were having a drink after but sadly they told me they had to work the next day.
so i rushed around getting photos with them all
ali even kissed me on the cheek for the one of me and him which made me smile.
i also got mischevious and without warning put my santa hat on each of their heads and took photos.
jarvey even gave me the setlist which they had signed "to lor, merry christmas" and all their signitures.
and they adored the christmas tree cookies i decorated with their names on for them.
but as midnight drew closer and i knew i had to walk back to my hotel i sadly said goodbye to them all.
i said goodbye to mark last.
he looked sort of disapointed i was leaving and asked
"you sure? we're going to be around for a bit longer if you want to stay"
but i told him i had to go.....and with one last hug, i turned around and walked away
if only i had known back then
if only i had had one little idea what would happen in the forecoming months
i would have stayed.........if only for five more minutes.....
days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months.
money was tight and i had just started a college course of photography
so traveling was out of the question.
it had been almost five months since i had seen the boys.
i got occassional messages from jarvey but apart from that,
the only envious thing about my life was the tshirts i wore almost always
and the songs i played constantly on my mp3 player.
i didnt think it was this possible to miss a band so much.....
i kept checking repeatedly on their website for new show dates
but they were all down south, far further than i could afford to go.
in early december i descovered they were planning on a christmas show in birmigham one week before christmas
i almost cried thinking of missing it.
i knew somehow i had to be there, like it was life or death of a matter.
i thought back then it was just because it was going to be spectacular,
i know now mabye a part of me knew deep down that it would be the last time i would ever see them......
either way, i knew i had to be there.
so when my mam finally asked what i wanted for christmas,
all i could say was to go to birmingham.
it was a cold december morning and i sat tiredly in the bus station giving evil eyes to anyone walking past with a cigerette.
i had been trying to quit and had managed a week but this journey was going to prove to be my most challenging quit task yet.
as the bus pulled in i looked up and smiled.
in a few hours, just a few hours, i would be in my precious birmingham again,
i would be settling in my room above the quaint little pub again
and come tonight, i would once more see the boys who still meant the world to me.
those thoughts got me through the whole journey,
well those and sleep
but sleep proved to be quite difficult when a screaming child was sat behind me for half of the journey.
i was so relieved when the bus finally pulled into digabeth 5 hours later and i rushed up to check in at the big bull's head.
it was already 4pm so after a quick refresh of my make up and a quick pub meal downstairs,
i walked all of five minutes to the rainbow club.
suprisingly however, there was no sign of the boys, or the black beast,
so after a quick drink in the bar i went for a short walk, explored a bit
and of course, when i returned 20 minutes later, there they were.
jarvey spotted me first and smiled widely waving.
i ran down and gave him a hug before hugging the others.
at that exact moment we felt something on our heads.......raindrops
i had brought the rain again!
we laughed about that briefly before mark told me to come inside so i wouldnt get wet.
blushing i followed him in.
my crush on mark had pretty much grown over the five months, despite the fact i had a boyfriend by then.
it seemed like this time it was a permanant infactuation.
i settled in the corner and watched the boys set up.
it seemed more hectic than usual this time and i found myself getting in the way alot.
eventually mark asked me to help him set up the merchandise stall so i followed him over
i didnt really get the chance to do much.......he kind of took over,
but i chatted to him alot and it was nice spending time with him.
i particularly remember him taking 10 minutes to write a sign saying how much the t-shirts cost.
after he finished he got back to setting up the stage and so i sat in the corner and watched the madness.
from no where stu seemed to appear and as i saw him walk accross the room and light up a cigerette i decided enough was enough!
i walked over and BEGGED him for a cigerette
of course, he gave me one and i chatted to him and jim before deciding to go and buy some cigerettes.
when i got back from the corner shop two more girls were in the room. one of the girls rushed over to me and i recognised her imedietly
a sinner i had been speaking to online for ages, named fran.
we clicked imedietly and entertained ourselves by laughing at............everything really, until finally at 10pm envy came onstage.
it was a night i will never forget, i was joined in the crowd by another online friend named laura as we watched the boys sing christmas songs weaved in amongst their normal setlist.
at one point jarvey sang "stop the cavery" while ali played maracas
and mark even sang a rather different version of white chirstmas which had the lyrics
"i'm dreaming of a white xmas, just like the ones i used to know,
where the children glisten, and the treetops listen
to the sound of the faint screams in the night
i'm dreaming of a white christmas with every christmas card i write
may your days be scary and nice
and may all your christmas be white"
after the show i rused over to them with congratulations hugs
i asked if they were having a drink after but sadly they told me they had to work the next day.
so i rushed around getting photos with them all
ali even kissed me on the cheek for the one of me and him which made me smile.
i also got mischevious and without warning put my santa hat on each of their heads and took photos.
jarvey even gave me the setlist which they had signed "to lor, merry christmas" and all their signitures.
and they adored the christmas tree cookies i decorated with their names on for them.
but as midnight drew closer and i knew i had to walk back to my hotel i sadly said goodbye to them all.
i said goodbye to mark last.
he looked sort of disapointed i was leaving and asked
"you sure? we're going to be around for a bit longer if you want to stay"
but i told him i had to go.....and with one last hug, i turned around and walked away
if only i had known back then
if only i had had one little idea what would happen in the forecoming months
i would have stayed.........if only for five more minutes.....
CHAPTER 8: Malpas
CHAPTER 8: malpas.
once more time went by.
jim took over the myspace for a while and it was nice to talk to him
although he didn't seem to reply as much as jarvey.
by march i realised they had played no more shows since their christmas one.
i wasn't the only envy fan starting to worry.
in around april time i spoke to ali on facebook.
he told me they were having problems writing the new album and that they were taking a break
he also told me he had started a solo act.
i knew there and then it was the end.
the question hung in the air for a long time,
was this the end of envy?
it was one day in july when my biggest fear was confirmed.
i was so busy packing for the london journey i was about to leave for but i had just enough time to check facebook.
it was rhinanon that told me first.
i went straight to the website and was faced with a note from envy.
they had indeed broke up.
their record comany had dropped them, and i guess they figured there wasnt much point continuing.
i remember being on the coach that night listening to shipwrecked and sobbing.
dale, my boyfriend took me in his arms and told me it would all be okay........
but i knew deep down it was the end of an era.
however, not quite the end.
ali didn't stay solo for much longer and their was new hope in his new band malpas.
i was even more delighted when i went to malpas's myspace to learn that jim was the drummer.
i had a brand new hope in malpas,
a new hope in these beautiful new songs,
and a new hope of seeing ali and jim once more.
but two new faces replaced jarvey and mark.
two interesting faces be it so,
faces i am sure i will learn to love in time
but in the back of my mind is this great sadness
this grieving.
envy are gone, and although i still have two friends there,
two of them are gone,
and i fear i will never see them again.
i will never forget the times i spent with envy,
i will never forget jarvey's warming messages
and i certainly will never forget mark,
i never felt so special, so loved, so happy in my life as i did around those four,
i doubt i will ever feel that way again
wether malpas will be a dawn of a new exciting era for me, i do not know,
i hope so.
but one thing is for sure,
jarvey, mark, ali and jim,
i will never forget you.
i will never forget how you made me feel,
i will never forget how much you made me smile,
i will never forget the incredable music i was honored to have whitnessed
and no matter where we go, what we do in life,
wether we meet again, or go our seperate ways,
you will always be in my heart
for eternity...........
THE END............or is it??
once more time went by.
jim took over the myspace for a while and it was nice to talk to him
although he didn't seem to reply as much as jarvey.
by march i realised they had played no more shows since their christmas one.
i wasn't the only envy fan starting to worry.
in around april time i spoke to ali on facebook.
he told me they were having problems writing the new album and that they were taking a break
he also told me he had started a solo act.
i knew there and then it was the end.
the question hung in the air for a long time,
was this the end of envy?
it was one day in july when my biggest fear was confirmed.
i was so busy packing for the london journey i was about to leave for but i had just enough time to check facebook.
it was rhinanon that told me first.
i went straight to the website and was faced with a note from envy.
they had indeed broke up.
their record comany had dropped them, and i guess they figured there wasnt much point continuing.
i remember being on the coach that night listening to shipwrecked and sobbing.
dale, my boyfriend took me in his arms and told me it would all be okay........
but i knew deep down it was the end of an era.
however, not quite the end.
ali didn't stay solo for much longer and their was new hope in his new band malpas.
i was even more delighted when i went to malpas's myspace to learn that jim was the drummer.
i had a brand new hope in malpas,
a new hope in these beautiful new songs,
and a new hope of seeing ali and jim once more.
but two new faces replaced jarvey and mark.
two interesting faces be it so,
faces i am sure i will learn to love in time
but in the back of my mind is this great sadness
this grieving.
envy are gone, and although i still have two friends there,
two of them are gone,
and i fear i will never see them again.
i will never forget the times i spent with envy,
i will never forget jarvey's warming messages
and i certainly will never forget mark,
i never felt so special, so loved, so happy in my life as i did around those four,
i doubt i will ever feel that way again
wether malpas will be a dawn of a new exciting era for me, i do not know,
i hope so.
but one thing is for sure,
jarvey, mark, ali and jim,
i will never forget you.
i will never forget how you made me feel,
i will never forget how much you made me smile,
i will never forget the incredable music i was honored to have whitnessed
and no matter where we go, what we do in life,
wether we meet again, or go our seperate ways,
you will always be in my heart
for eternity...........
THE END............or is it??
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